Motherless Boards Check out what all the fucked up fucks on Motherless are talking about.

OP:

Several reasons, not the least of which is a diagnosed chemical imbalance which is apparently not severe enough to require medication, but bad enough to make me highly susceptible to depression. The proscribed cure by my last 4 psychologists amounted to 'stop bitching', which I have. The actual root stems back to isolation and generally not having proper social contacts. This, in turn, stems back to being an awkward, ugly, fat fuck who was in a severe accident and lost pretty much any friendly contacts he had because he was rehabilitating for a good year between high school and college.

Note though that the depression is, as I said, only a part of it. I can and have done the entire 'man the fuck up and stop bitching' routine. I just don't enjoy life, and I think I could become a legitimate danger to society if I don't watch out. Why not solve two problems at the same time?

Why don't you start looking at your life from a different perspective? You weren't born to die meaninglessly after a couple of decades.

Either kill yourself or GTFO self loathing is for bitch's.

OP:

Actually, I'm pretty sure I just got born because my parents wanted a kid. Once they're gone, that issue is resolved. I don't believe in any kind of predestined life, fate, and I really hope there isn't an afterlife.

Beyond that, it really isn't that easy. This is something that's been going on and off for a solid 5 years. I've tried that. I've tried being the social butterfly, the fun guy, the reliable friend. It didn't give me a sense of fulfilment, it didn't give me a sense of belonging, it didn't give me a sense of happiness. All it gave me was an empty wallet, mild alcoholism and even more social abandonment issues.

This all cumulated in the simple fact that I just don't enjoy life. I don't think it's worth the effort required to have a life anywhere near acceptable, and whilst I won't go seeking out my death actively just yet that certainly doesn't mean I'll obey every safety regulation, or generally improve my health. In the end, it's just a waiting game. A matter of 'what will come first?' with some slightly higher than average stakes.

Cry me a river should I break out the worlds smallest violin?

OP should look elsewhere for his mental needs this site is full of hardend people who could care less about your bitching.

OP:

Im just sad cause I'm gay.

OP:

I could honestly not care less about any kind of reassurance. I'm completely aware a large portion of responses will be along the lines of 'suicide or gtfo', 'cry me a river', 'less qq' and so-on. There'll probably be a few 'fake!' and 'attention whore'-esque replies as well. It's just something I want to get off my chest somewhere no-one knows me, and no-one will find out about it.

Shit or get off the pot.

You'll be missed..... on Motherless. Good luck.

Well, if you choose to be in the losers part of humans, then you may die. You have lost, not some heroic battle, but a simple dream called life. If that is your choice, Goodbye.

Lol, this ain't grand theft auto!

p.s. The hero never dies in gta, he's just wasted, and can be reawakened infinite times. xD

Fuck your psychologists, man- any medical practitioner can prescribe meds; either go to your family doc, or find a walk-in clinic, and tell the doc you've been looking into SSRIs; they'll ask a few basic questions, and probably prescribe you something, and if they're anything like my doc, give you a few free samples to hold you until you can go get your prescription filled.

The great thing about SSRIs (though most people here would disagree that this is such a great thing) is that generally, they can, as well as correcting your chemical imbalance, they can also significantly reduce your libido, and even make it sometimes frustratingly-difficult to orgasm. You may also discover, once on meds, that your violent tendencies wane, and life may actually begin to seem fun.

Speaking from experience: I'm a serial cheater, a sex addict, and just generally fucked up- I suffer from depression, social and general anxiety, mild OCD: pretty much every instance of depression or anxiety results in me fixating on someone sexually and wanting to fuck them, and it's very rarely that I don't follow through on those impulses. However, when I'm on meds, it's easier to deal with the OCD, my anxiety is almost completely gone, my depression is kept in check. Life seems easier, and I'm completely fine with only fucking my wife once-a-month when she wants it, rather than the 4-5 times a day that I want it when I'm off my meds.

I'm not saying that suicide should be completely off-the-table for you- I personally believe that everyone needs to have a last-resort option in any case, no matter what it is. However, I'd urge you to at least try meds- see if they help before you take that last-resort.

dude these is not the place to get help
most people on motherless need to be kill
man death is not the answer
people talk shit
there the real assholes not you
i been having fellings
of tourture and killing
sense i see so many people
here only want one thing to rape chldren
we all at some point in life
well feel like shit
people are too blame
your blaming yourself too much
we all have bad thoughts its part of the human race
theres nothing wrong with you man
find something to do
you think to much
your head cant take these shit man
only bad people should die
even if u did something bad
just dont do it again
child molsters keep repading it
thats why pedos need to be killed

OKAY, OP, YOU HAVE A NEW AND NOBLE LIFE GOAL: your eventual outstanding physical development. This is a two-step system. It will help you; DO IT.

STEP 1
You must give up one thing in your life that is ineffectual toward the goal. E.g., if you frequently consume soft drinks, stop.

You mentioned suffering from what you consider as mild alcoholism. You have the will power to easily overcome it. You mustn't neglect such a powerful tool in life; use it.

Anyway, identify that ineffectual thing, leave it and don't look back.

STEP 2
You must choose a new life commitment that may help you in achieving the goal. If it is proven ineffectual, return to step 1.

Anything required for self-preservation to compensate for what was relinquished (e.g., having to drink more water since giving up soft drinks) doesn't count. I've made it easier for you by deciding what that new thing is: a basic exercise regimen.

Before attempting to exercise, you should know how to breath properly during aerobic training: Exhale during the exertion parts (e.g, when going up--or pushing--in a push-up) and inhale otherwise.

Chest Workout Home Version
youtube.com/watch?v=jWc8gHlAkoM

When:
About 3 times per week with 1 or 2 days of rest between attempts.

How:
Follow the video as far as possible, then quit for the day. For the bench parts, you can use a chair, footstool, etc.

8 Min Home Abs Workout (Level 1, No Music)
youtube.com/watch?v=U-XWhwwJ7dw

When:
Do these on the same day as the chest workout.

How:
As with the chest workout, follow the video as far as possible, then quit for the day.

When this routine becomes too easy, return to step 1.

I cant believe people log into this website and pour their hearts out....wow. Dude there are better places for this conversation. You should seek a professional. People on here did not log on cause they are good at counseling. You just logged on to teh wrong place for this kind of stuff...don't do anything stupid and seek some real help buddy.

meant to write professional help...(just noticed that) agh

Should commit suicide by doing some worthwhile good for society. Get a gun, go to some reasonably large city and see how many gang bangers you can take out, sniper style, before getting wiped out yourself. And before you do it, have some money set aside, so you don't become a further drain on society by making the public pay for your fucking casket.

Seriously OP the fact is you are coming off as self-righteous, self-indulgent, egocentric, and clearly have a need to be both superior and the center of attention. You probably got a hard on for blaming the jocks and cheerleaders or whoever else in so-called normal society that victimized you. Even though you most likely brought it on yourself. So truefacts you Emo sounding bitchfuck we are better off without you and so is your family. Adios douchebag and tell Satan to bitchslap you once for me.

IF you had gone to a psych and told him all of what you have written here, you would have been prescribed meds. Yet you weren't, so I doubt you told them very much at all. Oh, I forgot to mention that IF you had told them, you would have been admitted to a psych ward for 24-48 (minimum) observation. Depending on the outcome of that (and if ANYTHING you wrote was true, you'd either have been sent on your way with a "good try, but not good enough", or you would have been committed. Period.

I'm not saying you're lying, but I don't think you're being truthful, either.

There is an herbal supplement called St. John's Wort. It is non prescription and safe to take. It is a natural mood balancer and I can say from experience that It does help with depression. It takes off the two extremes of the spectrum. It will cut off the extreme highs, but it also evens out the lows. Pair that with Valerian (which is a mood upper), and they're almost as effective as a prescription antidepressant (in some cases more).

Give these a shot before you break your family's heart.

i know how you feel, OP... if it weren't for my family i would be into a whole lot of stuff that 'wouldn't be good for me'. It's strange how their presence in my life is holding me back from doing certain things...

may i ask how you think your life (and death) will turn out when you find yourself fully disconnected from your family? i'd be interested to hear, since it may give me some ideas, haha ;3

I come on to Motherless for 2 reasons: porn and to read the shit posted when im bored. Never have i read a post and been compelled to write somethin until i read this. Listen OP dont kill yourself man. I know exactly how you feel. Im 19, dropped out of high school, and work a dead end job. I have nothin goin for me and get tired of life cause its the same routine every day. Work and home with the occasional goin to a party for a lil distraction is all i have to look forward to. I get tired of my life and the same routine and have thought bout suicide too. But just like you my family is a reason i have not done it. I can tell you care for your family cause you dont want to do it cause they care so much for you. Killin yourself to end your misery would only hurt them so much they would wonder was there anythin they could have done to stop it and blame themselves. Dont make them go through that suffering. I know you have urges to do bad things but we all do its only human. find a distraction such as a hobby that not only takes away the urges but benefits you. Like you have urges to kill why not enlist in the service? Shit they send you to war to kill you might even get awarded for it. I was thinkin of doin that because i have those urges too but it would also help with one of my lifes dreams which would is to see the world. Theres other options OP just take the time to listen and look at everything positive in your life such as your family and dont listen to these dumbfucks sayin kill yourself. They're only tryin to bring you down cause their life isnt any better. Misery loves company.

I wish this post, OP and every other whiny bitch who says "I can relate" would hurry the fuck up and die. I'm not kidding either a person who says "I'm planning my death" wouldn't run out a post it on a site like this unless they needed attention. Do everyone a favor and put the barrel in your mouth and squeeze.

"dont listen to these dumbfucks sayin kill yourself. They're only tryin to bring you down cause their life isnt any better"
You are an idiot you should stand behind him when he pulls the trigger.

Thanks for proving my point =) you are one of the dumbfucks im talkin bout. No life just trollin around the internet cause doin it in real life instead of behind the keyboard would get your ass whooped. And copying and pasting shit i said doesnt make your post better. Like i said, it just shows your a dumbfuck i was talkin bout. Have a nice life sir...well whatevers left of it.

Try working with a charity. It won't cost you anything but time, and it will achieve two meaningful goals: give your life some meaning, and put things into perspective by showing you that there are people far worse off than yourself.

Also, porn sites may help you get off, but trying to socialize on them is only going to make you feel more alienated than you already do (if you haven't figured this out already).