I confess I'm considering cheating on my wife.
A bit (or a lot) of backstory: I've always been very shy and nerdy, not bad looking, but the total antithesis of a ladies' man. My senior year in high-school I was invited to go on a trip to Australia for a youth leadership conference. The trip was supposed to be for people finishing their first year of college, but through a mix-up I was able to go, and my parents thought it would be a good "educational" graduation gift. So I went and witnessed, without partaking, in lots of hook-ups. Our last night there we stayed at a hotel just a few blocks from Sydney's red-light district (King Street). I had a fair bit of extra cash after buying souvenirs for my family, so I was lured to a strip club. I didn't realize prostitution was legal there, and it was only a few minutes before I was lured to a private room and convinced to pay for a BJ. Right before I finished she stopped and asked if I wanted more -- in retrospect a great "marketing" tactic for that line of work. I still had some cash, but not enough - she finally agreed to do the deed, but insisted we had to be quiet or she'd get in trouble for taking such a low sum. So we did. And it was incredibly lousy. She just lay there, shirt on, didn't move a muscle, didn't make a sound. And even though I used a condom, I spent months convinced I had contracted something nasty. I must have had myself tested at clinics at least 3 times.
That was my only even-remotely sexual experience all the way through college. When I started grad school, I met a girl and we started dating -- my first girlfriend, and it didn't come until the age of 22. We quickly started into sex and a few months into it we stopped using a condom because she told me she couldn't get pregnant. Go figure--she did. She was a good Christian girl, and a total pro-lifer, so it shocked me when she was the one who decided to have the abortion. It was a hard time for her - moreso because she had been told by doctors this couldn't happen. That was only 3 months into the relationship.
I kept dating her, and eventually she started pushing me for the bling. I resisted for a long time, because aside from my one misstep in Australia, she was my only partner, and I knew I wanted more. Eventually, though, I convinced myself I could be monogamous with her, and we married about 19 months ago.
She was never petite to begin with, but she also has a problem with weight, she works out like a fiend, and eats healthier than anyone I know but the weight keeps piling on (it's part of the same condition that is supposed to prevent her from getting pregnant), though she has so far kept herself under 200 lbs, she is not skinny. On top of that, my eye has started to stray too, my confidence has gone up a whole lot, and I can see other women who are interested in me.
Since the wedding I've stopped in a few strip clubs and discovered a few that are little more than fronts for brothels. Curiosity also brought me to an AMP, though I only got an HJ, and even then only because the girl seemed so upset that I wasn't going to tip for anything extra.
This has caused me to slowly start squirreling away enough to be able to afford all the "extras" at one of these places. Just recently I met that mark. And there's a weekend coming up where my wife will be out of town. But since I hit that mark suddenly, I'm finding my libido is down, and I don't really want to do it.
I really do love my wife. I'm incredibly worried about the harm it would do if she found out, or if I did catch something. I don't want to have an affair, even an FWB thing because you never know when that other person could send you an incriminating e-mail, text, phone call, or outright try to blackmail me. But I am really sexually frustrated and I really want to experiment with more pussy. I've tried pushing the open-marriage, or swinging thing too, but she's also totally not into that.
So I know motherless is supposed to be a moral-free zone. I don't need anyone preaching to me. What I want to know is guys, (and gals) who have similar situations, what advice do you have?
