Alright Motherless, I'm curious what you think of my friend. He's probably the rawest dude I know.
After frequenting strip clubs, he got turned on to fat chicks. His one ex was pretty hefty, and they got in a fight once and she beat his ass and gave him a black eye. He got pissed off, got drunk, got naked and then drove himself to the police station to report her. They laughed at him and arrested him.
The only girl friend he had who wasn't fat was this 16 year old whore who might have been mildly retarded. He made a sex tape with her though before they broke up.
He's also been known to fuck trannies and dudes off of craigslist. One time, he even had oral sex with a well known local DJ.
Now, when I say raw, this guy is raw as fuck. He had a job as a janitor and he would creep on people's cubicles for pictures of dogs because he likes dogs. He would also jack off at work and tweet pictures of his cum afterwords with a caption like SPLAT! He went to the same college I did, but I never saw him in class. I only saw him getting drunk and high in the parking lot, smoking weed and listening to lil wayne full blast. He also had a box of radishes in his trunk because he liked to eat radishes.
He would always have a road beer, or some sort of alcohol with him when he was driving. He'd also speed, smoke, text and fumble with the radio while driving around loaded. He liked to drive around naked too and I'm pretty sure he's jerked off while driving too.
Currently he's dating a hooker with a kid. She's the largest girl he's ever been with. Easily 350-400 and with some nasty teeth too. She also writes reviews for sex toys. His parenting skills involve strapping the kid to a car seat and putting him in front of the TV while he gets drunk and moving him around every so often to give the kid a different view like looking out a window or something.
He also thinks the sun and the moon are the same thing. And he has videos on his girl's site of her fucking him with a double ended dildo ass to ass. He sounds like a mix of ghetto slang with a weird European accent. I think he's got his green card though. That being said, he's actually a really nice guy.
So what's the verdict motherless? Is he a hero or should we deport his ass?
