I confess I don't want to die, but my thoughts are increasingly self-destructive. I'm not suicidal, but I drank too much tonight. And this afternoon. And last night. And I lost track how much and when I started. Rumpelmintz in my hot chocolate, puked thrice, and I don't know why I keep drinking.

I hooked up with my teenage stepsister, Jenn, after our parents wedding last year. I was crashing at their house while they were on the honey moon. My new sister is old enough to take care of her self, but they just didn't trust her not too go crazy. They were right not to trust her, they were wrong to trust me.

I went out with some old friends, came back a little drunk. My asshole friends, just dumped me on the porch. I don't remember any of how it started, but Jenn filled in some of it. One of my friends rang to bell, she answered the door and found me babbling, curled up with a potted plant. She helped me inside, lead me to the bathroom, stripped me down, and helped me shower. (I had puked at least once) It was during the shower I started to sober and I remember some of it. She was only in her sports bra and gym shorts. She looked good, I'd been checking her out since the first time we met.

By the time the shower ended, I was hard and she was horny. I was still drunk so I didn't think anything when I ended up in her bed. I started to doze off, and thought I was dreaming when I she started to blow me. Half drunk, half asleep it's all a dream, except I know it was good. I woke up with her head on my chest, she woke soon after. She looked at me, asked how much I remembered. I said not much. She said we would just have to go again so I had something to remember. We spent the entire day together and mostly naked.

Since then we have been hooking up regularly. I live an hour away, so it's not hard to jump over on weekends, and she visits during the summers. We keep it between us and only us. Never talk about it around others, never text, never email. No pics, no vids, no evidence. Her mom doesn't trust her, and spys on her. But we play it smart.

One of my oldest friends is the girl who lives next door to me. Well, woman. Let’s call her crystal. She just turned thirty along with myself and the rest of our circle.

For the entire time I’ve known her she’s been a total square, just like the other girls in our group. I’m the only guy. One of very few black guys in this town on top of that. I’m kind of like their mascot. It’s been that way forever.

They’re a bunch of half assed Japanese speaking white anime fan girls who think they have a mean streak and aren’t growing out of anything. I get a pass on being edgy and shit just because this town has only ever seen like three of us since prohibition ended. So as far as they see it I'm thug as fuck.

They tease the ever loving shit out of me and I get to play the fool ass mother fucker who loves blue balls. Yeah I Cop a feel here and there, and the resident attention whore is always down to get “wasted” and show off (I love you Lizzy).

I get mine, just not from these girls.

I do my thing, lift weights,take care to stay lined up, keep it looking good so I just Show up to the party sacked or strapped and it’s like I’m their delinquent hood fantasy or something. It’s always been that way. I love this small town white trash sex haven.

So crystal is the hardcore Virgin, straight edge, no swearing, probably wears granny panties and she dresses like she’s afraid someone will notice she has a body. Oh shit does she have a body.

She’s thick I guess with Curly blonde hair, green eyes, librarian glasses, and no makeup ever. She’s baby fat soft, but plump and obsessed with aerobics. She hates her body and being “fat”. She thinks of fat people as being weak in general. No self control. Her sister is a cute plush cupcake with nothing to be ashamed of, but crystal will scold her to tears over her eating habits.

Anyway.

So we’ve known each other forever. We Grew up living next door to each other in a tiny town so we were best friends. Her mom’s been getting on her about meeting a guy and doing the good mom thing so she can have grand kids. This freaks her the fuck out, because well, that’s how she is.

So that brings us to about a month ago. I own the house I grew up in now. I bought it off my folks a few years ago. (Go Legal weed and housing crash) She still lives with her mom next door. It’s raining cats and dogs, (Finally, the drought is over) I’m doing dabs in my living room watching Hentai when the doorbell rings. I shut off the Tv and go answer.

It’s crystal. Soaking wet and looking more pissed than upset; dressed in her usual baggy hood and cargo pants. (Dumpy as fuck I’ve never even seen this girl in a t-shirt at this point)

She just blurts at me like I’m wasting her time. “I need to get high!”
That caught me way off guard, because that’s not something this girl does. I thought maybe she snapped and was having some kind of quiet one style psychotic episode.

“Well?” she follows up with. That snaps me back and I invite her in like a good stoner.

I ask her if she’s for real and what’s happening.

She tells me her mom started an online dating profile for her and was posing as her to set up a date.

“She said I needed a little push!” She was like cry yelling it.
She’s gone from furious to that creepy desperation hysterical crying where they’re like bawling, but laughing and talking shit to themselves about it.
Yeah, this girl needs to get high. I’m not trying to do her wrong, she’s my friend after all, so I pack her up a bowl of some monster cookies with some space queen cold water sprinkles on the roor and I start playing the flight attendant. You know, buddy system.

“Check it out this mix is super mellow, super euphoric, super creamy warm root beer.” I’m trying to make her laugh so she can relax a bit before her first session.

“It’s super strong so go easy and just do you.” Again trying to do her right.

“I just inhale?” She doesn’t look nervous, but she clearly has never been around the block.

“Yeah”

“OK, light me”

So I spark it and she starts the draw. It takes what feels like forever but she cashes the bowl in one big ass hit. Biggest I’ve ever seen in my life. I pull the carb and then we just wait…and wait…and wait…

“Breathe girl!” I kinda yell at her. Then she just sighs a cloud that fills my living room and says pack another.

I thought to myself no way you’ll want another in a minute so I’m packing it for me, but then I’m loaded up and she grabs the bong from me. I’d be mad, but it’s her so I’m just curious as fuck.
She burns that one down too. Same shit. Then she just kinda leans back and blows it all in my face.
I take the bong, reload, and do me. She’s couch locked hard while I smoke up with some oil in the salad.

Then I ask if she wants to watch something .

She nods hella faded and I ask her what.

“Porn!” she yells. Fuck it. The Girl’s having a midlife crisis. I stop acting shocked, this is how I live so whatever.

I pop the TV back on and my Hentai flick is still going.

We stayed like that for a minute. She was just leaned back on my couch guppy mouthed and Chinese eyed, I was just watching the porn wishing I could jerk off or hit that.
The she sits bold upright like she just remembered some shit. I pause the movie to see what she does next and she asks me “You know what sounds awesome right now?”
I’m expecting her to say something like deep fried ice creams sandwiches or something.

Nope. I ask her “What you fiending for?”

“I need to suck your dick.”

Holy fucking shit. I ask her. “Are you serious? You’re high as fuck right now.”
She just yells “DICK!” It startled the shit outta me I whipped it out.

Time and money are something I'm lucky enough to a lot of. I've got over ten racks in gold and diamonds in my dick. Six bars for a ladder, and two bars crossing the head. I don't fuck with squeamish fake teaser bitches.

She says out loud “Fuck yes!” then just drops her face down in my lap while she lays on the couch and starts fucking snacking on my dick. It was honestly kinda humbling.

She has no clue what she’s doing, She has clearly never done this before. Honestly though this shit wasn’t even about me, she was just working out a craving and I was the lucky fucker kicking back while she…buffet styled my dick. Like, she wasn’t sucking me off, she was licking all over it and trying to stuff it all down her throat. She kept gagging and coughing and snot was bubbling out of her nose. Nasty as fuck, but I’m in it for the long one now.

After a bit of her licking all over and testing the fit she just fucking throats me down. Oh my fucking god. She starts lurching and wretching I was positive she was about to fucking puke all over my lap then one fucking dry heave and she blows a huge wad of slime out her nose and she pulls off to get a heaving breath like she’s been drowning and like a whole other pint of goop just pours out her mouth and all over the front of her shirt. Now she looks like she’s gonna cry. My Dick is just standing there messy as fuck and in need of handling. She looks like she’s trying to process the mess she is and then blurts out “High is Awesome! Being high!” and has a laughing fit that goes on for way too long while I try to figure out if she’s done or not.

I bust out the rig for a dab while she makes up her mind and that snaps her out of her fit. I do mine still with my dick out, hard and nasty. She asks for one.

I tell her this shit is space case pro grade.

She says “Get me higher.”

Fuck it. She takes the dab just as easy as the bong load, lets it off. Then she says. “Lean back, more dick.”
With that she busts off the soaked fucking hoodie she was wearing and she didn’t have anything on underneath.
Then I seem them. They’re just there.
I wasn’t ready. She went from total unknown girl next door bate crush to one of a kind world record porn star tits staring me in the face, right there in front of me. The biggest tits I have ever seen on any women in my life. I thought she was just a plumper like her sister. But it was all tits. She was fit under all that.

It clicks for her what just happened too and she says. “H cup. I buy bras through the mail.”
Then down she goes. She works out her issues on my dick for like a half hour before she pops off my cock all a sudden then says ”Pussy Now.”
I’m like fuck, I guess I’m done. But then she takes off her pants and panties then crawls back up on the couch and leans over the arm rest with her ass pointing at me.
“Pussy now!” She barks it out like it’s all she’s ever said to me and I figure she wants it all now.

I’m not worried, I cut my shit years ago. Guess it’s time for pussy now.

I’m all throat slimed up so I know I’m good. But I don’t want to wreck this vibe so I get in to eat that pussy from the back and she freaks the fuck out when I get my tongue in there. (Power muff FYI)

“What is that doing?” “No Gross! No don’t! “ she fights it for maybe five seconds.
Then all she can say after that is “I love my pussy.”

It was a little weird, but I got used to it.

She was just chanting it the whole time.

“I love my pussy.”

Once she’s all sauced up and sloppy She just says, “Break it in”

Fuck yes. I lay it in her and I’m not gentle about it.

She’s still chanting, but now it’s all “Pussy! Oh Pussy! My Pussy!”

It’s hot, but also, I don’t know If I’m good with pussy for a bedroom pet name, you know?

She’s calling for her lost pussy to come home while I’m rock hard stone bonin’ her from the back.

I know I’ve hit something special because she starts throwing it back at me and her pussy chant is now “Big dick” She barks it every time she bottoms out and I can feel her cervix knocking my cock.

Not long now. She Keeps slamming back into me harder and harder then it happens.
She starts yelling pussy again, she stops throwing it and just rests with me balls deep in her and I can feel her pussy having a fucking seizure on my dick. She erupts all over the fucking couch. Just fucking gushes buckets.

She starts rambling, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry ,I’ll clean it up!”

I tell her not to trip and I need to get mine.

She says ok.

I waste no time and I give it to her like she owes me on a pound.
She’s not asleep, but she’s clearly out of whatever energy was pushing that episode. i get to drunk fuck her for a few minutes then I blow my load in her pussy just for the cheap thrill of being first.

I passed out on the couch with her and when I woke up later that evening she was in my shower.
She came out naked, “My clothes have, stuff on them. Can I wash them?”

I tell her yeah, then I ask “So what was that and what’s up now?”

She kisses me on the nose and says, “You’re mine now.”

My first instinct was "Say what now bitch?"

But, I have no desire to resist this woman.

It’s been about a month now and we’re still dating.

She’s changed though. Still dresses dumpy as fuck, but she is a stone cold party girl. Loves to get fucked up and dicked down.

She says I'm the only one that can get it.

Turns out her mom isn't happy i'm the one getting it though. She says she's voting trump or some shit.
Bitch.

Crystal says not to trip on it though. She says I don't belong to her.

I think I'm in love. I hope it lasts.

I confess that I am a stupid dirty retarded trash cunt bitch, helpless and borderline worthless, my only ambition in life is getting guys to put their dicks in my mouth and let me lick their assholes. I wear the same pair of panties all week long because I like the way they smell when I do, and I've stolen dirty underwear from seven different guys to take home and smell while I fuck myself. One of those guys was my dad. I've been stealing his underwear for a long time. If I had one wish it would be that my dad would fuck me senseless and beat me like a stupid whore while he did it. I only feel worthwhile when I'm being used by men. All I care about is cock and feeling like I can make cock happy. I went to see Jurassic World the yesterday and didn't even barely watch it I literally sucked dick until I puked on the floor of the theater like a stupid little disgusting scrawny pig slut and didn't even stop then, or after he came in my stupid gutter mouth. After he came the second time, he made me stop, and I fingered myself in the theater like a pathetic desperate cunt with no self esteem and no standards and no shame. I'm such a fucking nasty little slut hobag bitch. Fuck I fucking love it. I'm so fucking gross and stupid. I wish I had a sweaty man butthole to make out with right now.

previously:

Sins and Secrets

I hadnt spoken to Anna after we fucked. So when the next morning came I was anxious... did Jim hear something? Did she give it away somehow?
I went in the kitchen while Anna and Jim were there to test the waters. Jim wore sweatpants and a shirt, Anna a tanktop, a bra and shorts. Jim seemed happy, Anna was flirty around him, more than usual, smacking his ass and giggling. That was irritating but good for me. I sat down to eat some toast, they were talking about what they were going to eat for dinner. Jim said he had no time to buy food so Anna said she would. At that point I joined the conversation and asked Anna if I she could bring something for me too. She definitely looked alarmed when I talked to her directly, but made sure Jim didnt see it. I told her what I needed, adding: "Can I have your number please? I tend to forget something. I could text you then." First she looked pissed, then afraid for split seconds, but then calmly said "yes sure..." and gave me her number. Jim didnt notice what was really going on. But my plan worked. Now I could text her and she me, without him being suspicious why we got each others numbers.

I went back to my room, pleased with myself. Jim and Anna went back to their room as well, and a few minutes later I heard moaning again. I felt empty. Would that be a one time only thing? Would she never fuck me again? Insecure as I was, I sure thought that was the case. After Jim left I wanted to text her. But I wasnt so sure I should. I waited. My door was opened, Anna standing in it. "Have you thought of anything else you need?" she said loudly, so that everyone else in the apartment could hear, while she signaled me to come closer. "No I dont think so thanks" I said, also loud. When I was close she whispered: "Why the FUCK would you ask me for my number infront of Jim?" I explained it to her. She nodded then said loudly "Well if you need anything else, text me." She emphasized "text me" so much that even I got it. "Thanks, I will." I answered and went back into my room, while Anna went grocery shopping.

I sighed in relieve and texted her: "Hi :)" and thought "What if Jim reads her messages? I have to be super careful... shit..." I thought for a while and then wrote: "Did you know that this messenger is really unsafe? They can read all your messages!" She typed... deleted everything... typed again... "He cant read my messages here and I turned off that the text turn up on my lock screen. This is safe"
I replied: "phew. Sorry had to be sure."
She: No problemo. Talk to you later."

I was excited. Got her number, no problem. She is still interested, very nice. Jim doesnt get it, veeery good. I fucked her and got away with it. I was waiting for her, thinking of her outfit this morning made me hard... I masturbated just to keep my dick hard for her. When she finally came home, I texted her: "Come to my room ;-) got something for you" when she didnt reply I got nervous, but then heard a knock on my door. I tried to hide my boner (could have been my other dorm mates as well) before I said "come in". It was her, but she did not seem as excited as I was... She handed me my groceries and said loudly: "Here you go, thats $10.32" I revealed my boner but she shut me down and whispered: "what are you thinking? Jim could be any minute, your dorm mates could see or hear us! Stop thinking with your dick!" I pulled up my pants and mumbled "sorry I was... I just... sorry" She nodded "its alright, but we have to be careful". I gave her the money and she left the room. Now I sat there... blue balled... when I got a text from her. It was a pic of her tits "that should suffice for the moment" was written under the pic. Before I could answer she wrote: "I sucked his dick this morning and then after the breakfast fucked him, to make sure he was pleased. Pleased men do not think about their GF's going rogue. I wont come tonight. Too dangerous. I'm still craving for sex though."
I then heard the door and Jim calling for Anna, so I didnt respond, afraid that he still might see somehow. When I heard Jim and Anna going to the kitchen to make/eat dinner I joined them. When Anna saw me she looked annoyed. She hugged Jim and told him "I forgot my phone in the room, be right back." While I was chatting with Jim I felt my phone vibrate. Anna got back into the kitchen, and pressed her self against Jim, making me jealous as hell. Then she gave me a "you're the third wheel" look. I made my excuses and went back to my room to look at my phone. "Fuck off." Plain and simple, her message. I was frustated. But I understood. We couldnt spend time together with Jim in the room, that would be suspicious if I always turned up when she was there. So I did as I was told.
And I was rewarded. With a text saying "thanks." Yep. Thats all.

The next day. Jim was staying home, so no way I would get a minute with Anna. I finally texted her back, when Jim was in another room, saying "Thanks is not enough. I need more. More of you." She didnt reply for a while. I was afraid I asked for too much. I didnt hear of her for the whole day.
The after, Anna left. Finally I got a text: "I know. Next time, promise. In the mean time, I can supply you with something, so you may enjoy yourself ;-)"
We started exchanging pics, she told me she would send them to Jim too, since if he discovered the pics on her phone of her, he would know somethings up. I thought that would upset me, but it really turned me on. We talked about sex. She liked the sex with Jim, but it was not as exciting anymore. Cheating really turn up the heat I guess. I told her about fantasies I had in mind. Fucking her right next to Jim sleeping. Make a video of her masturbating to send to Jim, while I was in the room jerking to her and turning her on.
I told her I love being in charge and she should call me master. She gladly did. I started telling her what kind of pictures she should take. We agreed though, that her head should not be visible, so if Jim sees them on my phone he wouldnt recognize her immediately.
She told me she loved the idea of eating cum. Or drinking it. She bought a toy, a skin colored dildo.

Our text got really dirty and we got turned on more and more. I couldnt wait for her next visit.
then the day finally came. She chose a week where Jim had to work daily. We didnt make any plans, so it wouldnt get dull. The evening she arrived I had to hold back. She was with Jim all the time, no way to spend time with me. I used her pictures of course. I couldnt sleep that night. When I was sure everyone was sleeping I texted her. No reply. The next morning came slowly. When Jim finally left, I went into the kitchen. Rock hard. Boner showing through the sweatpants. I played the old game. She set in her usual chair. I said "Hi", stood close to her to reach my shelf and shoved my dick in her face. I moved my hip as close as I could. She grabbed my dick but said under her voice "Are you crazy? First the text in the middle of the night! You could have woken Jim! And now this?!" I looked into her eyes and said "Did you forget? I'm your master. You obey me." She still looked angry but nodded. "I couldnt hear you" I said. "Yes" she whispered. I pulled down my pants just a little so my dick pupped out. "Yes what?" - "Yes Ma..." she tried to said, but got no further because I stuck my dick in her mouth on the A. She looked puzzled, angry and then... maybe turned on? She started sucking either way, making sure not to make any noises. From my position I could look into the hall, so I would see my dorm mates coming. Right at that moment one of them (Peter) came out of his door, looky sleepy as hell. I came hard in her mouth. She even choked on it a little. I greeted my dorm mate with a "good morning" while he was slowly making his way to the kitchen. I quickly pulled my dick out of her mouth and hid it in my pants. Then Peter entered. She still had a bit of cum in her mouth and swallowed it too quickly, choking again. Peter looked at her and said "you alright?" She answered:"Yea just choking on my coffee" and laughed. I went on with my breakfast, while Anna drank the rest of her coffee and went to her room. Soon after I got a text. After finishing my breakfast I read: "That was amazing. I'M so wet right now... " As I went in my room I replied: "I got an idea then. I will come to your room as soon as Peter is in his." So I did. She was laying on the bed, half naked, only wearing a tshirt. She was masturbating. "I want you to film yourself, while I go down on you. You will send this to Jim, pretending to be masturbating." "okay master" she replied, winking at me. I got down in front of her and started sucking her clit. She turned on her phone and started to speak. From that point on, it was her show and I followed her instructions. "Hey baby, I'm so wet thinking of you... I just have to please myself. I'm thinking about you... sucking my clit ... uhh yes.. ohh.. and now you're poking your tongue in my pussy... oh yea keep doing that..." It went on like that for 2-3 minutes or so before she came, gushing in my face again. She turned of the video... I was so hard.. "I want to fuck you. Right now." She said: "but what if they hear us? we cant risk it!" I thought about it for a moment. "you are right. we have to wait. But you can jerk me off." She nodded. And she did. She worked my shaft slowly. "How deep can you go?" I asked. She didnt know, so we tried it out. I took her hair in my hand and forced her mouth on my dick. I didnt push too hard, so she only got 1/3 of my 7 inches in. The next time I pushed harder. Still only half in, before she nearly choked on it. When she came to breath she said "I nearly puked from that..." I nodded "you will have to train. not only on me but on Jim too." So she kept trying but didnt get a lot further by the time I came. She swallowed again, like a good girl. I went back to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day. She was right, we couldnt have too much contact... It was frustrating. I waited for this for weeks. Now I couldnt fuck her when I wanted.

The break. I dont have time for more right now, wanted to get much further. Sorry ;) Left a picture this time :)