does newon have an opinion about what culur my car shood be tomorrow. i was thinking too hard earlier and it made my nose bled, or something bled im not realy sure all i know for certainly is that i saw REDman. big tyme, big tyme. anywho, what say you, a red mustang? fuck i should of wore a face cover thing like whos that one guy on tmnt? he, well. fuck where was i. oh ya. did someone just knock out the global positioning satelite cause i could have sworn my super man ex boy fran was right next to that spot neer the two streets next to some water. or maybe itwas a fence. lol doesnt make sence to inject smack in my thighs i guess. oh fuck it. me makes the rules now. evefyone. fuck, wood you people stop blocking my mind before i give birth to some danimals. err. shit did everyone just here that.......... my ass

I'm not 20 something anymore
Oh manMam

They were playing the Eagles game at the restaurant that I work at. The manager was being very cool about us watching the game with customers. Very cool about us watching the game instead of polishing silverware, folding napkins, etc.

My tables were all taken care of so I started watching the game.

And then I said “Yeah!! Nice! First down!”

Then I looked a bit closer.

“Oh! Wrong team!!”

A waitress rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah… Jimbo… I was kind of wondering there.”

So I’m not quite the american football fan that I pretend to be.

Kind of embarrassing.

Anyways, I didn’t immediately notice that the opposing team had our green colors.

I made this post in response to Viper2121's memo stating that chat needs me to be online saying stupid stuff so that folks have something to laugh at. So when i'm not on chat here is some stupid stuff i say in real life.

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy

I confess to having an amazing weekend. The lady and I had a nice day out and about. A bit of shopping, a movie, sushi, wine, and a nice big doobie to finish things off. She had her "monthly visitor" but I wasn't worried, she's very diligent in making sure I'm taken care of. So, when she asked me to come up to the shower, I knew I was about to get my cock sucked...
We went up stairs, I started the shower, she stripped down. Her sexy tiny frame and sweet little a-cups exposed to the air and my eyes got me instantly aroused. One of those sweet little bodies that I could stare at, rub on, and lick for the rest of my life. We started kissing as we entered the shower. The steam was no match for the heat radiating from my body as I knew that it was "me time," and I was about to receive the amazing oral skills of a woman who's spent years honing her skills on me. Needless to say, I was already getting hard.
She gently cleaned my cock, stroking it with the perfect speed and grip that only one who truly knows you can. Then, she slipped her hand into the crack of my ass and began washing it, rather feverishly. I knew she was getting ready to shove her face in there, and my body began to tingle. It was far from the first time she'd use her skilled little tongue on my ass. She loved it when I did, and happily returned the favor... often.
But, what happened next, I didn't see coming. After using her mouth on my now fully erect cock, she turned me around. I brimmed with anticipation of that sweet tongue working my ass. She slowly stroked my cock, now dripping with precum, as she worked wonders from behind me. Tongue licking up and down, poking just barely inside of me. Fast, then slow, slower, than too fast. Every change of her tongue matched by the opposite with her hand. It was heaven.
Then, out of nowhere, her fingers slipped from playfully rubbing my cheeks, to the inside of my crack. The anticipation of a new sensation was almost too much. Her finger slowly slipped inside of me. At first, I was suprised to find that, thanks to our silky bodywash, there was no pain. It was awkward at first, but as I began to feel shivers run through me, I knew that I had begun to enjoy it.
She started slowly moving in and out of me, quickening subtly over time. When she fully inserted her finger and pressed upward... I felt as though I was cumming on the spot. But, to my surprise I did not. She began to move her finger on that spot over and over again, while ever so slowly stroking my raging hardon. She whispered, "does it feel good?" "Oh my God, Yes, Don't fucking stop!," was all I could muster as my body began convulsing with pleasure. And as she quickened her hand and her finger, I simply couldn't stand it any more. I came with the force of a thousand suns, and watched my cum fly out of me in spurts that I haven't seen since I was a teenager. She spun me around and suckled on my pulsing cock until I told her that if she didn't stop, I wouldn't be able to catch my breathe.
Needless to say, I can't wait until our next shower...
So friends, how was your weekend??

I'm looking for the name of an american porn movie, it's from the 60', 70's, or 80's, I can't remember but I know it was vintage. The scene I remember is, the guy walks into his bedroom and takes off his robe and gets into bed, he then notices a girl sleeping next to him and he says "I forgot my daughter was sleeping over tonight" at one point she starts to mumble in her sleep "I want you to touch me billy" and the dad says "well, it sure would be awkward if she were to wake up, better do what she says" then at one point she mumbles "billy I want you inside of me" then the dad says "better do what she says". after he's done fucking and cumming, she wakes up and says "oh daddy that was wonderful" he says "yea yea, i just have one question, who the hell is billy"....Please if anyone knows the movie this is from I would be very greatful.

Reposting any old videos of mine I find, oh man I remeber this hit twas blasteddddd🌬️

Ubuntu 11.10
Oh my fucking GOD this thing is a mess. No "classic" desktop?! Can not create application launchers? No System Tray? Can't change the size of my mouse cursor? Can't edit themes? Unfucking believably huge fucking toolbar on the left side (almost unconfigurable). This thing is like a Toys-R-Us version of Linux! Why the FUCK can't I edit settings anymore?!

Did Microsoft pay Canonical to create this disaster?

I confess, I just fucked another dudes ass for the first time.
First off I am not GAY, but I AM Bi-sexual.
And I am a straight looking guy, tall, well built. Average cock. Could be bigger, but oh well... he wasn't complaining...
I put out an ad on craigslist, saying "looking to get dick sucked, nothing more" and I ended up getting an email from this guy in his 30's. Keep in mind, I am 19 yearsold. And he wanted to meet behind Wal-Mart (It's secluded, and has woody areas behind our Wal-Mart) And so I get there, and made sure I was hard first, and then he tells me, I want to get fucked. So I said, I was looking to get my cock sucked, nothing more bro. And then he says that if he sucks my dick then he wants me to fuck him or no deal.

So after awhile, this guy pushes up against the wall and bends over, and now I'm contemplating fucking this guy whos old enough to be my dad. So I talked myself into it, and I went to stick my cock in his ass, but he was too tight, and there wasnt enough "lube" so I spat on his asshole, and rubbed it in, and ended up finger his ass and spitting on it, and then I finally forced my cock in.

And then I blew my load on his ass cheeks. But this is the first time ever fucking another guy, and as soon as I rubbed his asshole, for some reason I just couldn't resist, and I kept going and going.

Ok so I posted this already https://www.wihood.com/V927AD58 and wow I am still really freaked out right now today has been so weird first my girlfriend and I went out for breakfast with her dad and I couldn't talk at all because I just kept thinking about stuff so we get back home and she asks me what's wrong and I decided to tell her about all the things that are happening. So I said you know how you said you're ok with the idea of me doing things with other guys snd she nodded and said "oh are you finally going to tell me about the adult store?" And I panicked and froze and she laughed and said it was ok one of her friends had seen me go in like 3 weeks ago which is the last time before yesterday I think and I nodded and she asked me how long and how often I went in and I said for a while it was just a thing sometimes but I told her I just didn't want it to be a big deal and felt like it just needed to be a secret and I said I was sorry and she laughed and said it was ok she understood she wasn't mad but she said if I had told her sooner then she could hsve went with me so she could watch and we both got turned on and fucked then she had to shower to get ready for work. While she was in the shower though I told her there might be a weird problem and she asked what so I told her about my bosses husband and how he wanted to get with me again and she laughed and said "well yeah after as much practice as you've had I bet you're really good at sucking dick" and she was kinda sweet about it so it helped me feel a little better but I said I was worried because I really like my boss and my job. She thought about it while she got dressed and said that she didn't think he would do anything to cause me to get fired but she understood why I was worried. As she was leaving I asked if I should text him to meet up and talk and she laughed and said "you wouldn't get much talking done with your mouth full" and I love her and know she was being cute but I just said "you're probably right" and she kissed me and went to work. I just chilled for a while and watched some movies then fell asleep she finally came home (6 hour shift as a receptionist) and she said she had been thinking and that I should wait a few days to make sure things are good at work then text him to talk and just let him know that I think he's cool and would like to do stuff with him but talk about the job and my boss so he knows I'm worried. I told her I'll do that and then she started whispering in my ear about wanting to watch me suck dick and we fucked again I'm posting this before I go back to bed she's asleep already. If anything interesting happens I'll try and post some more it helps to calm me a bit knowing I'm thinking it through as I type.

Here is how I got to mess around with two of my friends during our senior year of college. Names have been changed to protect identities. I will also warn you - this will probably end up long.

SO I knew Ashley and Sara since our freshman year. They had been roommates since the first semester, and we all had History together. We had been the best of friends throughout college, although none of us had done anything sexual together. My parents lived not too far from college, and they decided to take a winter vacation to a tropical The house was empty, which meant a perfect studying place for exams. I invited Ashley and Sara to join, since I knew all of us liked studying together, even if it was for different classes.

I should take a moment to describe Ashley and Sara. They are really polar opposites of each other. Sara is tall and slender, white complexion, with (I would estimate) B cups, a flat ass, and blonde hair. Ashley is 6'2", a little chunkier, is a little darker (basically looks like she has a natural tan), has huge tits (they look like fucking watermelons), a huge ass, and brown hair.

We ate dinner at college first then drove to my parents house. We decided that it was a little late to start studying, so we decided to drink in my parents half finished basement (half finished as in my dad started to finish it, but got distracted and never completed the project). We had an old couch and a bean-bag like chair with a mini-fridge stocked with some of my dads beer. We broke out the beer and start drinking while talking about random topics. Ashley and Sara were on the couch and I was on the chair. Ashley and I were three beers in, Sara was still milking her second. This was on-pace for us, and based on past experiences, I knew we were all buzzed. I got up and went upstairs to pee. As I got to the top of the stairs, I heard Sara say that she was going to go pee too.

Now, my parents house has two bathrooms somewhat close to each other on the first floor. I figured I would be polite and went to the further bathroom, leaving the closer one for Sara. I partially close the bathroom door and pulled out my dick when I hear the door open and Sara say "OH MY GOD." I look over, and she is staring at my dick. I close the door in her face and finish peeing. After I finished, I opened the door and she was still standing there. She said "I AM SO SORRY. I thought you were in the other one, that door was closed. And holy shit you have a big dick."

Let me stop again and explain. I hate to brag, but I will anyway. Yes, girls are routinely impressed by my dick. That is because it is huge and long while soft, but does not get that much longer hard. It mostly just gets thicker.

Anyway, I didnt say anything and went back downstairs. Sara came running down a minute later saying "Oh my god Ash, you have to see his dick. It is huge." Ashley smiled and said that she has seen plenty of huge dicks. Sara said "Yeah I know. I mean, not to sound like a slut but I have seen a ton of dicks too, but it was really big even soft".

So they start talking about guys and their dicks for a while. I was starting to think they forgot about me when Ashley turned to me and said "well, now I am curious. You willing to show me?"

Ok, sorry for the interruption again. There really was no good time to mention this before. Sara and Ashley had both been single for a couple of months, and I had been single for about 5. I was pretty certain neither of them had gotten laid in that time span, since I would usually hear about it.

I laughed and said that I would feel a little uncomfortable just randomly taking it out, and that Sara only saw it because she accidently walked in on me peeing. Ashley said "So what, I have to wait until you have to pee again?" It sounded like she was waiting for an answer, so I said "yeah, I guess." She countered with "What if I showed you my boobs?"

Well that took me by surprise. And I think Sara was surprised by it too. I thought Ashley was talking out of her ass and would never flash, so I said "sure, why not." In one move she sat up and grabbed her shirt and lifted it up, showing her bra. Then she lifted her bra up and her boobs flopped out. Holy shit, they were big and perfect. I should point out that the couch and chair were only a few inches apart..we were sitting really close to each other. So they were almost in my face. She shook her shoulders and her tits swayed back and forth, then she pulled her bra back down, fixed her boobs, and pulled her shirt back down. Sara looked shocked (almost a little horrified).

Ashley looked at me and said "Ok, it's your turn." I really didnt want to, but I pulled my dick out of my pants. By this point, the conversation and staring at her tits had made my dick semi hard. I shook it a brief second, and Ashley said "that doesn't count, it is hard!"

I laughed and said "Well yeah, boobs will do that." Ashley said that she wanted to see it soft, so I told them to change the subject. So Ashley turned to Sara and started talking to her about some on-campus event later that week. All while I sat there on the chair with my dick out. And it only took a minute until it was soft. I saw Sara glancing at it out of the corner of her eye, and she turned and said "oh, it is probably soft again."

I looked down and confirmed that yes, it was soft. Ashley said "bullshit" and leaned over and grabbed my dick with her hand. I heard Sara yell "ASH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" and Ashley laughed and said "oh man, that is large and soft. Jeez, how big does it get?" She then started stroking it.

I kinda gripped the sides of the chair, not too sure what to do. It got hard almost instantly, and Ashley said "oh, not that much longer, but pretty thick." She didnt stop stroking though, and only a few strokes after she said "Uhm, I dont know where I am going with this..." and then she laughed. I said "yeah, what are you doing?" and Sara yelled "ASH STOP THAT!!"

From someone standing in the room, it was probably a funny scene: Sara staring (with a horrified and uncomfortable look on her face) at Ashley's hand stroking my dick, Ashley staring at her hand stroking my dick, and me looking at my dick, then at Ashley, then at Sara, and then back at my dick, all in a loop.

Ashley then looked at Sara and said "here, feel this." Sara yelled "NO! It's Mark...I wont touch his dick! And you shouldn't be either." Ashley said "Shut up, just touch it." They bickered back and forth for a minute before Ashley grabbed Sara's hand and forced it on my dick. Either Sara was not expecting it and didnt have a chance to fight back, or she just didn't fight back at all.

So Sara's hand was on my dick. She squeezed it and the look on her face went from horrified to amazement. "Wow, that IS thick..." She then picked it up and gently started stroking. She took both hands and gently stroked with both hands for a few seconds, before going back to one hand. Meanwhile, Ashley was still staring at my dick. She pushed her hair to the side, and then leaned over and put her mouth around the top of my dick.

Sara pulled her hand back and said "Ash, what are you doing now???" Ashley took my dick out of her mouth and said "Shh, I am just doing this for a few seconds." She then proceeded to take my dick back in her mouth and bobbed her head up and down my shaft. She actually got it pretty far down her throat. She held her finger to the side of my dick to show how far it went. She turned to Sara and said "Ha, beat that."

Sara said "I probably could, but we shouldnt and your mouth was just all over his dick." Ashley said "who cares..bet you cant do it anyway." Sara looked at my dick for a few seconds, then leaned in and put her mouth around the head and slowly it went down her throat. And it went further than Ashley...it didnt seem like it wasnt even that difficult to her.

She pulled up, then sucked a few seconds, bobbing up and down, then took it out of her mouth and turned to Ashley and said "see, told ya."

Sara and I then realized that Ashley's hand was down her pants, playing with her pussy. Sara yelled "ASH! Really? Right here in front of us??" Ashley said "oh shut up, its not like we have not masturbated before when sharing a room." Sara said "YEAH, but we were each in our own beds, with the lights off." Meanwhile, without thinking, I was slowly stroking my dick. Sara sees me and says "MARK! Come on, we aren't supposed to be doing this stuff together.." I shrugged and said "Ash started it."

Ashley stood up and started to take off her pants. Sara started to say something, but Ashley said "Come on, we are all good friends, let's each just have a little fun." She took off all her clothes and sat back on the couch naked, with her finger in her pussy. Ashley could see that Sara looked uncomfortable, so Ashley said "It's not like we haven't seen each other naked. You can just close your eyes if you want." Ashley then fixated her eyes on my dick and continued to stroke her pussy. I stared at her pussy and tits, and glanced over to Sara from time to time. Sara sat on the couch, looking around the room and , from time to time, at Ashley and back over to me.

I saw she was looking at my dick a little longer, and slowly started to reach her hand down her pants. Ashley saw too, and said "you know Sara, it isnt really fair that you are still clothed."

Sara thought for a minute, then stood up and slid off her pants, but stopped and said "this stays a secret..." then continued to take off her underwear, shirt, and bra.

I should take a break here and say that this all happened within a few minutes, but it really seemed like much longer.

Anyway, Ashley is slouched spread eagle on the couch while Sara's legs are conservatively spread. Both are looking at my dick, but Ashley is also glancing over at Sara. I think Ashley was getting bored, because she whispered "you have a condom?" Sara's hands stopped moving, and she just stared at Ashley. I said "yeah, probably in my bag," and I reached over and looked through the front pocket. I had a few, and pulled one out. Ashley got up, snatched it from my hand and ripped the packaging open. Before I could even move, Ashley had the condom on my dick and she was standing over me, rubbing my dick on her pussy lips.

Sara started to get up and said "I should probably leave you guys down here..." Ashley said "No, just stay. I dont care," and I just shrugged my shoulders. Ashley's tits were swinging in my face, and I grabbed her boobs and sucked on her nipples. I looked up, and she started making out with me. I could see Sara out of the corner of my eye, and she was looking at us and masturbating slowly.

She got up off me, and I thought the fucking was over. But she turned around and sat on my dick backwards, facing the couch. I reached around and grabbed her tits as they bounced. She grabbed Sara's leg and pulled her closer. Before Sara could say anything, Ashley was bent over and her tongue was between Sara's legs. Sara's eyes closed, her mouth opened, and for once she looked like she was enjoying herself.

Holy fuck, this seems much longer written out. My fingers legit hurt. I will come back later to finish. If you have reached this far, CONGRATS. I doubt many will actually make it this far though.