So last night I was prayin for deliverance and I kid you not, Jesus Fucking Christ (scrappy little brother to Jesus H. Christ, The Son of Man and Holy Lamb of God) came right through the rusted wall of my trailer and sat his glowing white ass own on my bed, right beside where I was kneeling. At first I thought it was my dead pop come back to life, so I reflexively reached for his cock since I was already down on my knees. But Mr. Christ gently pushed my hand away and said I didn't need to do that shit no more because he was gonna give me a real job.

So I thought wow this sounds perty interesting. Maybe he'll make me the fucking CEO of Mountain Dew or the Moon Pie company, or gimme my own taco wagon or whatnot. Anyways, so I says, yessir Mr. Christ, my dear Lord, I'm listening and sorry for grabbin your very big and powerful dick (I immediately pologized and said penis). What kinda job is you talkin about?

So get this, he wants me to go to fuckin flight school and learn how to fly them big fucking jet planes like what them motherfucking Arabs used to attack the US of A back all them years ago! I just looked at him and said what? He says, and this is a direct motherfucking quote, he says don't be such a cocksucking little sissy. Look, pussy, I put you here and I'll take you out. Your life is already one miserable faggoty failure after another and I am offering you a chance to have the real fame and fortune you have so far only seen in your wet fucking dreams. You in or you out, boy?

So what the fuck am I supposed to do now? He wants me to fly the thing into some super tall building in motherfucking Dubiey or some such wasteland in muslimville. He said the only way to send those goat fucking infidels (his words, not mine) a righteous message was to fly my plane into some building they have that's supposedly the tallest in the world. I thought that was the statue of liberty but whatever.

Anyways, so I says how is that dumbass plan supposed to make me rich? Famous I can see, but how is you gonna make me rich if I'm fried up like a crispy chicken nugget?

He just looks right into my one good eye and mutters some crap about riches in heaven and whatnot and when I start to call bullshit on that he just whips out his huge fuckin jesus cock and shoves it in my mouth. I been coughing up holy cum ever since.

Now I fucking start flight school in Florida in two weeks. I ain't never prayin again, I tell you what.

Just bumped a huge line, so probably another long fapping inc. Tried to get a hook for the night, but the fuckin sluts thought its gonna be better for us to cum with simekind of 2minute idit. So i ask you guys to help me, if you take a look into my profile you gonna know what kind of girls i like. Gimme as much as possible, everywhere pm i dont care. But i cant last for 24 or more like last time when i did that !! So i need boners fuckin instaboners!!

Basketball Jones
I got a basketball Jones
Got a basketball Jones, oh baby, ooooooh.
Yes, I am the victim of a basketball Jones
Ever since I was a little baby, I always be dribblin'
In fac', I was de baddest dribbler in the whole neighborhood
Then one day, my mama bought me a basketball
And I loved that basketball
I took that basketball with me everywhere I went
That basketball was like a basketball to me

I even put that basketball underneath my pillow
Maybe that's why I can't sleep at night
I need help, ladies and gentlemens
I need someone to stand beside me
I need, I need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life
Someone I can pass to
Someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go
And not end up in the popcorn machine
So cheerleaders, help me out
Oh, that sounds so sweet
Sing it out
C'mon Coach Booty, Red Blazer, sing along with me
That be bad, honky
Yeah
I want everybody in the whole stadium to stand up and sing with us
Oh yeah, sing it out like you're proud
All right, everybody watchin' coast-to-coast, sing along with us
Bill Russell, sing along with us
Chick Hearn, sing along with us
Chris Schenkel, don't sing nothin'

Oh, it feels so good
Gimme the ball
I'll go one-on-one against the world, left-handed
I could stuff it from center court with my toes
I could jump on top of the backboard, take off a quarter, leave fifteen cents change I
could, I could dribble behind my back I got more moves than Ex-Lax I'm bad I could
dribble with my tongue Here I go down court, try to stop me You can't stop me 'cause I
got a Basketball Jones Here I come That's my hook shot with my eyebrow Yeah, I could
dunk it with my nose I'm, I'm bad as King Kong, gimme the ball I'm hot, I'm hot as...,
I'm hot as..., I'm hot as... uh Uh, uh, uh, uh

I didn't write this, I saw it in Playboy once, enjoy.

There once was a boy named Gimme-Some-Roy... He was nothin' like me or you,
'cause laying back and getting high was all he cared to do.

As a kid, he sat in the cellar...sniffing airplane glue. And then he smoked banana peels, when that was the thing to do. He tried aspirin in Coca-Cola, he breathed helium on the sly, and his life became an endless search to find the perfect high.
But grass just made him wanna lay back and eat chocolate-chip pizza all night,
and the great things he wrote when he was stoned looked like shit in the morning light.

Speed made him wanna rap all day, reds laid him too far back, Cocaine-Rose was sweet to his nose, but the price nearly broke his back.

He tried PCP, he tried THC, but they never quite did the trick. Poppers nearly blew his heart, mushrooms made him sick. Acid made him see the light, but he couldn't remember it long. Hash was a little too weak, and smack was a lot too strong. Quaaludes made him stumble, booze just made him cry, Then he heard of a cat named Baba Fats who knew of the perfect high.

Now, Baba Fats was a hermit cat...lived high up in Nepal, High on a craggy mountain top, up a sheer and icy wall. "Well, hell!" says Roy, "I'm a healthy boy, and I'll crawl or climb or fly,
Till I find that guru who'll give me the clue as to what's the perfect high."

So out and off goes Gimme-Some-Roy, to the land that knows no time, Up a trail no man could conquer, to a cliff no man could climb. For fourteen years he climbed that cliff...back down again he'd slide . . .
He'd sit and cry, then climb some more, pursuing the perfect high.

Grinding his teeth, coughing blood, aching and shaking and weak, Starving and sore, bleeding and tore, he reaches the mountain peak. And his eyes blink red like a snow-blind wolf, and he snarls the snarl of a rat,
As there in repose, and wearing no clothes, sits the god-like Baba Fats.

"What's happenin', Fats?" says Roy with joy, "I've come to state my biz . . .
I hear you're hip to the perfect trip... Please tell me what it is. "For you can see," says Roy to he, "I'm about to die, So for my last ride, tell me, how can I achieve the perfect high?"

"Well, dog my cats!" says Baba Fats. "Another burned out soul, Who's lookin' for an alchemist to turn his trip to gold. It isn't in a dealer's stash, or on a druggist's shelf... Son, if you would find the perfect high, find it in yourself."

"Why, you jive mother-fucker!" says Roy, "I climbed through rain and sleet,
I froze three fingers off my hands, and four toes off my feet! I braved the lair of the polar bear, I've tasted the maggot's kiss. Now, you tell me the high is in myself? What kinda shit is this?

My ears, before they froze off," says Roy, "had heard all kindsa crap; But I didn't climb for fourteen years to hear your sophomore rap. And I didn't climb up here to hear that the high is on the natch, So you tell me where the real stuff is, or I'll kill your guru ass!"

"Okay...okay," says Baba Fats, "You're forcin' it outta me... There is a land beyond the sun that's known as Zabolee. A wretched land of stone and sand, where snakes and buzzards scream, And in this devil's garden blooms the mystic Tzutzu tree.

Now, once every ten years it blooms one flower, as white as the Key West sky,
And he who eats of the Tzutzu flower shall know the perfect high. For the rush comes on like a tidal wave...hits like the blazin' sun. And the high? It lasts forever, and the down don't never come.

But, Zabolee Land is ruled by a giant, who stands twelve cubits high, And with eyes of red in his hundred heads, he awaits the passer-by. And you must slay the red-eyed giant, and swim the river of slime, Where the mucous beasts await to feast on those who journey by. And if you slay the giant and beasts, and swim the slimy sea, There's a blood-drinking witch who sharpens her teeth as she guards the Tzutzu tree."

"Well, to hell with your witches and giants," says Roy, "To hell with the beasts of the sea--
Why, as long as the Tzutzu flower still blooms, hope still blooms for me."

And with tears of joy in his sun-blind eyes, he slips the guru a five, And crawls back down the mountainside, pursuing the perfect high.

"Well, that is that," says Baba Fats, sitting back down on his stone, Facing another thousand years of talking to God, alone. "Yes, Lord, it's always the same...old men or bright-eyed youth... It's always easier to sell 'em some shit than it is to tell them the truth."

I confess that when I(male) was 18 i had sex with my 20 yr old cousin(female). To start off, I don't see my cousin a lot now nor did i before we had sex so this relationship is not at all awkward..She lives in another state so i only saw her here n there about once a year during family parties n stuff or whenever her family visited (she is my dads brother's daughter). andd we always got along really well and being the oldest of our siblings, we would hang out together during family events and kinda go off to the side to talk about shit..this was when we were younger.
Early 2011 she came to visit by herself and she was going to stay at my house for a week;)and YES i was very exited to hear that!on her 3rd day here after late night talks and breaking that awkward "idk what to talk to u about considering we live pretty different lives stage(me being from LA and her from Virginia)" we got pretty comfortable with eachother so i took her to my roof to smoke some weed:) i smoke all the time but it was her 1st time and according to her she was VERY curious! my dad worked nights and my mom was n early sleeper so we styed up alone from like 11 to 2pm..after a few bowls we went back inside and watched youtube vids n shit like usual..mostly talking tho.
Heres where the fun starts>:)while we were watching stuff..idk what we were watching but she tells me she wants one of those..she was talking about a DILDO. So i ask her what for blah blah blah cuz she had a boyfriend n she tells me "yea he gives it to me but i want it sometimes and hes not there" so thats when the conversaton turned to porn. She didnt watch porn according to her but me being horny as hell looked through my bookmarks HAHAHA and we looked through pornhub looking at all the stuff we were into.. We were mostly watching and critisizing it like "nahh that guys too small" or "she doesnt know how to give head" but daaaam that conversation was getting me hard as HELL!! i asked her things like "ooohh and u can?" she was such a little flirt about it too like" yea i deepthroat blah blah blah" i knew i was gonna get lucky i think cuz i was sooooo HARD and it was pretty obvious cuz i was wearing sweatpants n i Know she was looking..it was just a matter of who made the first move..then she said it...."my back hurts on this chair, GIMME A MASSAGE;)" i was like woooow in my mind..so i did! i got behind her while she was on the chair n rubed her back n i didnt waist time on the shoulders or over the shirt or anything i passed them once and went all down her back n up her shirt feeling up on her back and waist..at this point we were still watching porn n she was clicking through different stuff so i was just chillen high as fuck feeling up on her waist with my cock on her ass, she was pretty much sitting on me..she started bending over foreward so i grabbed her waist with both hands and pulled her ass up n down my dick..OK it was pretty obvious we both had the same thing in our minds we were pretty much dry humping doggystyle!! at that point she turned back n looked at me n ikissed her. We made out soooooo good she was sucking my toungue like it was a cock i was grabbing her titties from under her shirt n i pulled her hand on my dick n she jerked it from over the sweats..i wanted to fuck her heands sooo bad i hate over the pants handjobs so i grabbed her hand and put it in my pants and she pulls it out and SUCKS IT!!! i only got like a 30 second bj but it was heavenly i i had beeen sooooo wet i was about to bust a nut just seeing her lick my fluids off my dick.( i jack off to whenever i start thinking of that 30 second bj and the look on her face when she looked up at me n wiped her mouth;)" as soon as she stopped sucking i took her pants off and fucked her in the chair.. she got on top of me and rode me for like 2 mins. i had no condom but there was no way i was gonna cum in my cousin so i made her gett up when i nutted. i admit i cummed pretty quick but in my defense i was sooooo dam hard n wet for a while by the time we fucked. it didnt matter tho cuz we fucked like 3 more times that night.. we had sex the next 3 nights she stayed and yea im pretty sure itll go down the same way next time i see her and we have the chance;) i still keep in touch and its not even awkward when weve seen eachother its like nothing happened but when weve gotten a chance to be a few seconds alone weve made out and i got a handjob outta her last visit 2 months ago. i cant wait till she comes back for another week hopefully in July!!

I've been craving cock more and more lately. It's been years since I fooled around with another dude and I've watched so much tranny porn now that the sight of a big white cock alone makes me wanna drool all over it and go for a hard ride...I wish I had a horny local friend to fag out with and gimme the dose of dick I'm dreaming of 😳🤤

So I had to go to hospital and while in the waiting room I noticed my bitch of an ex Anna sitting there with her new man. Now things didn't end brilliantly between us and the guy is a complete dick. So I just sort of sat there trying not to make eye contact with her. Anna is an ok looking woman, nothing special, but when it was their turn (well her bf's turn) I watched them both leave and my god I forgot how nice her butt is. She was wearing some rather tight jeans and all I did was just gorp at it as she walked away, I then noticed her turning her head and she saw me just looking at her butt and gave me an evil look.

She, on her own, returned about ten minutes later but her seat had been stolen and decided to come sit next to me. "So we just gonna ignore eachother?" she said to me.

"Well no offence, but you was a complete bitch last time we spoke" I said to her.

"Ha, i'm sorry" she said. and then for the next 10 minutes we just small talked, catching up a bit when she put her hand on my knee and rubbed it "ya know I saw you checkin' out my ass" she said. But before I could say anything they called me in.

"Sorry Anna" I said and I got up, but as I did I rested my hand on her knee, just to give her the hint too.

I saw the doctor, my mind more focussed on my ex than him telling me i'm too unfit, blah blah. But when I come back out she's still sitting there, so I go over and tell her. "Look i'm done, I....." and before I can finish my sentence she grabs me by the hand and pulls me around the corner to the hallway and shoves her hand on my crotch and sticks her tongue in my mouth. My mind races as to what the fuck just happened, but primarily at how much a better kisser she has become, she was genuinly aweful before. She breaks off the kiss and says "I miss this" and grabs my cock through my trousers really quite hard.

After what can only have been 30 seconds I push her off me and I say to her "what about him?"

"Oh right, like you give a shit i'm cheating on him with you. I did it before and in reverse" she says, which is all true, she left me for him and then cheated him with me a few years back.

"Good point" I tell her as I look around and notice the sign for the toilet "come with me" and I grab her hand and practically run to the toilet. With no one around we dissapear in there together and before I've barely had a chance to lock the door she unzips me, pulls everything down and puts my dick in her mouth. "Oh shit" was all I could say as I felt her warmth take my cock and I grab her head and start to fuck her face, slowly but it feels good. She's not brilliant at head but it will certainly do and every 10 seconds or so she stops looks up at me and grins, whilst wanking my dick and then would go back to it.

"Mmmmmm" she mutters and pulls off me for the last time as she wispers to me "put it in me now" and I grab her jeans, push her onto her knees and just push my cock balls deep into her already soaking wet pussy. Anna was never much of a moaner during sex, but I did hear a nice "ooooooh" as I stuck it in.

I pounded her for a good 3 minutes, but it wasn't enough, I had to have that butt. So I leant down and whispered to her "guess where it's going now"?

She turned around to look at me with a slight look of worry "OK, but I haven't done that for ages, be gentle".

"Ha, you know I don't do gentle, and you're a bad little slut who deserves it" I whisper to her.

"Mmmm, you still know how to talk to me" she said and with that I saw her suck on her fingers and push them into her butt and then spread her brown hole open for me.

"You little slut" I tell her and I spit right onto her butt and rub it in and simply shove my cock in her tight butthole. I notice her shuffle forward a bit trying to get used to it, but I didn't care and I pounded and pounded my exes amazing bum. In less than a minute I could feel her enjoying it, pushing her ass back onto me and I noticed her hand between her legs fingering herself. I feel it, I know i'm gonna cum any second so I plow harder and faster which she knows means i'm gonna cum.

She leans back and says "cum in my ass baby" and about three seconds later I do. Wave after wave of cum shooting into that beautiful butt and I actually feel her shudder under me, i'm assuming her fingering did the job on her too.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door and it snaps us back to reality where we are when a random person says "are you OK? you've been in there a while now". We look at eachother and laugh quietly.

"Errr, yeah, just finished, gimme ten secs" I tell them. We get up, make ourselves look more presentable and I open the door. There's no one there now, but people obviously notice us come out of there together and I confidently walk off down the hallway, when Anna grabs me and says "Now what?"

Say you're an American dude old enough that being a virgin is kinda pathetic. As a teen you had a few mutual mast sessions with let's say a younger sister and/or cousin, but other than that you've only really gone as far as feeling up (and occasionally down) some of your lady friends. A few of them know your situation and have said theyd fuck you as a friend once or twice.

So you could go that route, the girls whove offerered seem unlikely to ditch you as a friend later and they range from cute girls next door to really hot women. But it feels like "hey doggie, catch the bone" Tho with a few of them I know thats all in my mind cuz theyre just sexually open women who see fucking as a natural part of friendships... least so they say.

Or you could hit the legal hookers in Nevada or Europe. There'd be no pity fuck aspect, but paying for it seems kinda sad too. Tho I can also see how itd be no different than buying a spaceship ticket to Mars to explore strange new... caverns.

For my birthday I either wanna fuck a friend silly and stay friends, or visit Amsterdam or Nevada and explore new worlds.

So... fucking a friend seem more a pity thing or a next level friendship thing? Paying a stranger seem more "I cant find the right way" or "gimme a ticket for a new adventure"? Got til summer to either find a girlfriend and do the normal thing or decide if one of these side roads is more adventure or more loserish.

Oh like 2 of the "I'll fuck you dude" friends also have said if I decide to go with a paid stranger theyd want to help me pick. Cant decide if thats hot or just weird.

So I had to go to hospital and while in the waiting room I noticed my bitch of an ex Anna sitting there with her new man. Now things didn't end brilliantly between us and the guy is a complete dick. So I just sort of sat there trying not to make eye contact with her. Anna is an ok looking woman, nothing special, but when it was their turn (well her bf's turn) I watched them both leave and my god I forgot how nice her butt is. She was wearing some rather tight jeans and all I did was just gorp at it as she walked away, I then noticed her turning her head and she saw me just looking at her butt and gave me an evil look.

She, on her own, returned about ten minutes later but her seat had been stolen and decided to come sit next to me. "So we just gonna ignore eachother?" she said to me.

"Well no offence, but you was a complete bitch last time we spoke" I said to her.

"Ha, i'm sorry" she said. and then for the next 10 minutes we just small talked, catching up a bit when she put her hand on my knee and rubbed it "ya know I saw you checkin' out my ass" she said. But before I could say anything they called me in.

"Sorry Anna" I said and I got up, but as I did I rested my hand on her knee, just to give her the hint too.

I saw the doctor, my mind more focussed on my ex than him telling me I'm too unfit, blah blah. But when I come back out she's still sitting there, so I go over and tell her. "Look I'm done, I....." and before I can finish my sentence she grabs me by the hand and pulls me around the corner to the hallway and shoves her hand on my crotch and sticks her tongue in my mouth. My mind races as to what the fuck just happened, but primarily at how much a better kisser she has become, she was genuinely awful before. She breaks off the kiss and says "I miss this" and grabs my cock through my trousers really quite hard.

After what can only have been 30 seconds I push her off me and I say to her "what about him?"

"Oh right, like you give a shit i'm cheating on him with you. I did it before and in reverse" she says, which is all true, she left me for him and then cheated him with me a few years back.

"Good point" I tell her as I look around and notice the sign for the toilet "come with me" and I grab her hand and practically run to the toilet. With no one around we disappear in there together and before I've barely had a chance to lock the door she unzips me, pulls everything down and puts my dick in her mouth. "Oh shit" was all I could say as I felt her warmth take my cock and I grab her head and start to fuck her face, slowly but it feels good. She's not brilliant at head but it will certainly do and every 10 seconds or so she stops looks up at me and grins, whilst wanking my dick and then would go back to it.

"Mmmmmm" she mutters and pulls off me for the last time as she whispers to me "put it in me now" and I grab her jeans, push her onto her knees and just push my cock balls deep into her already soaking wet pussy. Anna was never much of a moaner during sex, but I did hear a nice "ooooooh" as I stuck it in.

I pounded her for a good 3 minutes, but it wasn't enough, I had to have that butt. So I leant down and whispered to her "guess where it's going now"?

She turned around to look at me with a slight look of worry "OK, but I haven't done that for ages, be gentle".

"Ha, you know I don't do gentle, and you're a bad little slut who deserves it" I whisper to her.

"Mmmm, you still know how to talk to me" she said and with that I saw her suck on her fingers and push them into her butt and then spread her brown hole open for me.

"You little slut" I tell her and I spit right onto her butt and rub it in and simply shove my cock in her tight butthole. I notice her shuffle forward a bit trying to get used to it, but I didn't care and I pounded and pounded my exes amazing bum. In less than a minute I could feel her enjoying it, pushing her ass back onto me and I noticed her hand between her legs fingering herself. I feel it, I know I'm gonna cum any second so I plow harder and faster which she knows means I'm gonna cum.

She leans back and says "cum in my ass baby" and about three seconds later I do. Wave after wave of cum shooting into that beautiful butt and I actually feel her shudder under me, I'm assuming her fingering did the job on her too.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door and it snaps us back to reality where we are when a random person says "are you OK? you've been in there a while now". We look at each other and laugh quietly.

"Errr, yeah, just finished, gimme ten secs" I tell them. We get up, make ourselves look more presentable and I open the door. There's no one there now, but people obviously notice us come out of there together and I confidently walk off down the hallway, when Anna grabs me and says "Now what?"

fapmaster is a fucking IDIOT!!!!!!!!

http://www.wihood.com/VE704FDF

do you REALLY THINK that the SECRET SERVICE ppl WASTE THEIR FUCKING TIME ON PORN SITES looking for the word ""p********"" ???

really??????? gimme a fucking break!!!!!!!!

they have MORE IMPORTANT SHIT to do then TROLLING [PORN SITES *such as this) looking for the P Word...

damn Fap, you Suck........AND.. Truly are a fucking moron!!!!!!

hi 36 yr old man in uk lookin to chat to an maybe more a single mum whos very open minded an willing to try anything, gimme a shout if thts u xx