I don't get why every is going ape shit over flappy birds ?
Can anyone enlighten me?

More like yellow skin stupid ape 🖕🏼

I confess, I heard my sister-in-law (wife's sister) and her husband fucking and it was the hottest thing ever. The dirty talk was out of this world - literally the filthiest stuff I've ever heard - and I've been wanking over it for ages.

"I want to tongue fuck your shitter before you pound my cunt"

"Fucking use me... just take what you need"

"Spit in my mouth as you r*ape my cunt"

"Finger my shitpipe"

All of this was in a sexy south London accent. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't smell the sheets the next day when they were downstairs at breakfast.

niggers gonna go ape shit if george zimmerman is found not guilty.

Pack of 50 niggers steal from 7/11 store. Typical fucking ape behaviour. The sooner the Gov't wakes up and puts a bounty on niggers the better off we all will be. http://nbcwashington.com/news/local/Flash-Mob-Knocks-Over-Silver-Spring-7-Eleven-134286103.html

Fucked my ex last night. But, she is not an ex from last year, we were together more than 20 years ago. Now, we are both married, and on Sunday we met on a certain conference, since we are in the same line of work.

From the moment I met her, I guess I knew what is going to happend, and I think she knew too. She was my first. She was short, with big its, and a round ass. Still short, tits are still big, but she got bigger in total, we could say more fat than chubby.

In comparison to my wife, she is far from hot, but my marriage has been stale for a while, so, when I saw her, I was just pulled into this web of lust.

It is more a home sick feeling, I remembered all the fun times, and since we were so young, I guess I wanted to see how would it feel now.

She was the first that started flirting, and I just went for it. And man, did I go for it...

Our sex, earlier, was very vanilla, since we were both inexperienced, but now - I can surely claim that it is the best sex I ever had. When we got to the room, it was like, two wild animals. After losing up, I went ape shit on her, and she loved it. I slapped her, spanked her, choked her, fucked her ass, came on her hair, and in her ass.

Today, I want more. I know I wont get it, but man; i would leave everyithing for that level of sexual satisfaction.

i confess, i fucking love my best friend.
i mean that in many ways. though mostly i mean that i admire her, and i think she's the most awesome person in the world.
she was actually my wife's best friend when i first met my wife, and we all became very close and never go more then a few days without getting together to smoke pot and hang out.

let me describe her to you. she kinda reminds me of the character of Debra Morgan. from Dexter. (which is why i used the pic on my thread) she's stern, no bullshit, a total riot to hang out with and play video games or just watch a movie or tv. she has a potty mouth and has no problems with blurting out what's on her mind. though mostly i love that she's "herself" around me and my wife, and not many others. since we're basically her only friends she hangs out with.

she also sort of looks like Debra morgan, except she's blonde and has a better body. she's skinny, but great C tits, and a small but round ass that i can't ever stop staring at. she knows i find her ridiculously sexy, and in private drunk conversations we've established that if we were both single, we'd be fucking like bono apes all night. but since her, my wife and i are best friends. we behave and just treat each other as equals.

now my wife knows i love this girl, but what she doesn't know is that sometimes i feel like i love my best friend more then my wife.
is that normal? i always figured it's cause i've fucked my wife a million times, and i've never fucked my best friend, though it' clear to all 3 of us that i'd love to.
despite wanting to fuck her bad, i still treat her like my best friend, and have tons of respect for her. though i don't know how healthy this whole relationship is.
all i know is that i hope i have this chick around forever, cause she's probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me in my whole life. aside from my wife of course.

This forum is looking good . I breezed through a ton of pages and not o e NIGGER. I was so glad to beat my big dick and not have it ruined by a monkey ass looking ape nigger bitch or dude. Jobless mother fuckers. Jobless and they’re bitches, mommas, and whore daughters all smell like lotion. Thick my ass nigger whores you are fat.
FuckAll you niggers and nigger lovers

Talked to her for a year and a half. Helped her with homework, talked to her about her problems, catered to her every need every chance i got. So what does she do a week after I ask her out? fucks some fat ape looking dude and sends these to his email. Too bad I know her password:) comment if you want more.

Was fingering my wife’s ass hole while she was asleep last night. I lubed it up with her pussy juice. She woke up and went ape shit!

I confess I am obsessed with being caller nigger by white girls. I have fucked every married white woman in my neighborhood and most are my wife's friend. They call me nigger and porch monkey while I fuck them and eat their pussy. they always say they can't say those things but once the fucking starts they let them pour out. the more they say the harder I fuck. porch monkey, stupid nigger, yard ape, I love them all!

So this really isn't a cofession, but Anyone know of a free program to record someones webcam that you are chatting with, without them knowing it. My smoking hot daughter (20 years old so dont go ape shit on me) webcams with me alot and shes always changing and and in the littlest clothing known to man.

I love to show my asshole wide opne and forcing very hard to shit! I did not very much because used too much cocaine but to know that you all are seen me spreadin my hole and showing dick, shitting ass an animal and smearing it in my penis makes me cum without the need of masturbation right now!

I could eat all the poop, piss, vomit, spit, and dirty things that comes out from the body from someone that saw me acting like that fuckn ape!

03:18

Scat with cocaine and shit in dick cum

anonymous 324

Memories of My Neighbor Roy and Others from many years ago

I'm too lazy to go back and proof this. Hope it makes some sense.

We lay there in the bed, his big cock moving slowly around inside my ass and I began to think back over the years. He was going on 40 now and I was almost 60, so his cock, sweet eating as it was, wasn't as hard and long lasting as it had been when we first started fucking and eating each other. We had moved into the area where Roy, about 19 then, lived with his mom and dad. I had only recently begun to suck cock, and hadn't thought about seducing Roy, because I had some fine cock to suck, and had no idea I'd be losing it soon. I had met and talked to his folks some, nice people, and his dad had told me he was afraid Roy was running around with the wrong kind of guys. He was afraid he'd be getting into trouble, staying out late, drinking and who knows what kind of women they might be seeing. I hadn't given it much thought until one my steady suck decided he was afraid to keep on with our fun, because he was afraid of aids. I couldn't stop him, so I was without a good cock to suck and I was getting really horny.

One day I saw his parents leaving to go into town, so I decided to see if Roy might be interested. Actually, I was very nervous, because I had no idea what he might do. So, I made up a story that might help keep him from going off on me when I asked if I could suck his cock.

I found him in the shop working on his car and told him I was going to meet a man and his wife to have sex, but the guy wanted someone who would suck cock too. I told Roy I wasn't sure I could do it, but maybe he could help me out by letting me try to suck his cock. Well, he said, "no". Shit! What was I going to do now? On impulse, I reached out and grabbed his crotch firmly, hoping he wouldn't hit me. Wow! Was I ever pleasantly surprised. he almost tore his pants getting them down and exposing himself right there in the shop yard.

I almost choked 'cause I wanted to start sucking that cock so bad, but I restrained myself, just looking at it for a few seconds before I reached out and touched it like I'd never touched another man's cock before. My mouth was almost watering with anticipation, but I held back like a virgin. I felt his limp cock gently and even managed to ouch his balls without fainting. Roy just stood there, his cock beginning to move around some now. I massaged under his balls a little more and his cock started to swell and pick its uncut head up, sliding back the skin a little. Actually, I had never sucked an uncut cock before, so I was a little bit of a virgin, I guess.

By now, and it hadn't really been very long, I needed that cock in me so I got down on my knees in front of him and gently put the cock to my lips and slipped my tongue inside his foreskin to tickle the head. Roy took a big breath, moaning slightly as I licked his pee hole and slid the skin back over the sweet head. Then I popped the head inside my mouth and sucked and licked firmly and he almost passed out and fell down. Seeing this, I made him go over and sit down on the workbench so he'd be comfortable and I could get t his rigid cock just bending over. Well, after that slow start, I got down to business and Roy laid back on his hands and watched as I devoured his cock and balls in as many ways as I could think of, covering his crotch with my juices and lots of his pre-cum too. It took a while, because he isn't a really fast cummer most of the time, but it seemed like almost no time before he was holding my head firmly and humping that hard, thick meat as far into me as I could take, gagging several times, but not throwing up I was dying to take his load which I knew couldn't be too long in cumming. It's almost like yesterday, I can remember that first load of cum as it hit the back of my throat, making me choke, but not taking an inch of it out of my mouth. He held me in place and filled me with his young, sweet, thick cum and I just went on swallowing and swallowing, sucking and sucking trying to get even more than he had to give Until he fell back exhausted, cock still almost hard inside me. Ohhhh, young cock is soooo satisfying to a cock and cumslut like me.

I held him firmly, but softly in my mouth, not wanting to make him too sensitive so he could just enjoy the moments before slipping out of my lips. But, I didn't let him go just yet, knowing there was more cum deep inside his balls, and I just needed to strip it out gently and lick each pearly drop off the pee hole of his shrinking cock head. I stripped his cock dry and slurped up those last drops before releasing his limp Dick. I knew there would be more draining onto his thigh later, but I wouldn't be able to lick it off this time.

Finally time to stop and let him pull up his shorts and pants. LoL! My crotch was soaked in pre cum and we both laughed about that. I asked him if he had ever had his cock sucked by a man before, and he said, "yes he had when he was a few years younger". By another neighbor who wasn't around now. He also said he had sucked the neighbor's cock, so I knew we were going to have some good times, but I had no idea how long it would last. Before I left I took out my hard cock and he jacked off a load for me, causing me to get light headed and shooting almost more cum than I'd ever shot before. LoL! At least that's how I remember it. It sure felt good and it was the beginning of many, many more good cums from Roy.

We figured out some ways we could get together again as soon as possible, because he was really a horny kid, and I needed cum inside me as often as I could get it. i'll try to think of some other times and places for more.

Part 2
Roy's cock had been inside me over an hour now, and he was getting to the point he needed to cum. We'd been watching a video my GF had made for us after we did such a good job of fucking her one day . It was partly a video of us all fucking, but also included some of her fucking several other guys at some time or other. I didn't know if it was recently or long ago, and didn't really care, because Roy and I were fucking her fairly often, and she was sucking my cock almost every night after classes. She was one of my best and hottest students and she was a real nympho, teasing me in class by spreading her legs wide showing me her hairy cunt whenever I had the time to look.

She was a real distraction, but so was another student, a married black lady with a husband and a kid. She had called me over one day for help and she had written on her computer, "Take me home and we can have a really good time". Soon after, I did just that, but we could only go parking in her van and she sucked my cock while I ate her brillo-like hairy cunt. She was my first black pussy, altho I had sucked-off a black kid in a local dept. store bathroom one day. He had a huge cock and I didn't realize just how young he was until his mom stuck her head into the bathroom and hollered for him to hurry up, 'cause they had to get home. He had just shot his load down my throat and was zipping up to leave our stall, and we both almost busted out laughing. The sweet taste of his cum stayed with me long after he was gone. I sure wish I could have made him a regular suck.

I fucked her several more times after school at one of the local motels before she went home. She told me her husband told her he'd be able to tell if she was ever fucking someone else. She didn't say how. She also said he had a cock that he said was 14 inches long, and she said it hurt like Hell. She said before they were married he would take it real slow so she could adjust to his size so it really felt good, but after all these years he just shoved it in and she couldn't wait for it to be over. I guess that's why she said she never wanted to take my 8 inches out of her it felt sooo good. I almost wanted her to introduce him to me, so he could try my asshole for size. I wasn't that stupid, tho. She was a delicious fuck and probably the most timid woman I've ever fucked. She didn't even want to get naked when we first started. It wasn't long before I had her flaunting that tight, brown body in front of me making my cock hard when we were together, and also in the classroom when no one could see. She really appreciated how beautiful she was before we finally stopped fucking.

Anyway, Roy was hitting my prostate perfectly now, almost making me cum, but I managed to get my thoughts back to other times. Other times when we were both fucking one of his two wives. She was a big woman with huge tits and a hairy cunt, my favorite kind. She was into almost anything, so when I proposed we let their dog fuck her, and she wasn't too hesitant. She was really into it when I suggested that I'd let him fuck me first if she wanted to help and watch. They didn't know I had been sucking his cock and trying to get him to fuck me for a very long time, but I couldn't get it done right without help. This was my perfect opportunity to see if I could take it.

I knew from watching vids that we needed to pad his claws, so that was the first thing. Then I wet my asshole with some of her pussy juice, and that really turned him on. I jacked him and sucked him some to get him ready (she went ape shit when I sucked him) and then had them move him into position and slip his red cock into my hole. They held him in place and the dog began to hump me hard, mostly missing the hole, but hitting it and then pulling back before his cock really got up inside. But, all of a sudden he hit the hole dead center and drove his veiney cock way up inside my ass, and this time he didn't pull out. He held it inside and all of a sudden I felt his knot slip up inside me and begin to swell us together. As a kid I had seen dogs knotted, but I didn't realize just how large a dog's knot could get until his swelled up inside me and locked him inside. He had me now; I was his bitch, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't get that knot out without tearing my guts out. This was a 110 pound dog, and his cock was bigger than most men's and the knot was bigger than an orange. When he turned around with his front feet on the floor and began to drag me across the kitchen floor I was really afraid something bad was about to happen. He was actually dragging me along the now slick floor, like a doggie bitch. Roy and Jan had to stop him for me. Needless to say, they were laughing their heads off at my plight. Well, there we were. his juices shooting up inside filling my gut and there was nothing I could do except stay on my knees ( they hurt, BTW) and wait until he was through with his business. Actually, now I was really enjoying it, and Jan volunteered to suck my cock while Roy fucked her pussy and ass. I really didn't want to cum, because I knew my asshole would tighten up even more if I did, but I couldn't stop Jan from sucking and she was determined to make me suffer so she could laugh even harder. She's one of the best cock suckers, and always eats her reward, so in one of the hardest cums ever, I shot my load inside her mouth while that monster cock and knot had their way with my once horny asshole. It wasn't horny after I came, but it was still pleasing that beast's cock and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Jan got her rocks off a couple of times before the dog was done with me, and I finally felt like he was shrinking and beginning to slide out of me. When he finally did pop out, my asshole gushed a quart of whatever a dog shoots inside a pussy all over the floor, creating a mess it took us a while to clean up. LoL! I guess he really felt good about it, because I had fucked his ass several times in the past, unknown to anyone but him and me. I did use a condom, tho. He took me bareback, and I know my asshole hurt a Helluva lot more than his did afterward. Ummm, I sure love to have him in me right now.

Roy and I used to get together a couple of nights a week up on the country road that ran by our houses. He'd wait on me to come home after night classes, and we'd suck each other while standing beside my car on the side of the road. It wasn't traveled a lot, and we could see lights long before they got to where we were. We sucked for several years like that, mostly when it was warm weather and long after the sun had set. His folks were alive then, but after his dad died and his mother moved away with a friend, I would go down to his house several mornings a week, let myself in and suck his cock until he had to leave for work. We both left about the same time, so it was perfect. He'd wake up like every man wants to, with a hot mouth wrapped around his night-swollen cock begging to have him shoot his load and then piss his full bladder into that same mouth and belly. When he pissed in me, I'd get into the tub, not in the bed. He enjoyed it more if he hadn't already cum, so those times were the best for me too, because he would use my mouth for his piss pot rather than just pissing to empty his bladder. If he was horny, he'd hold me onto his cock and talk hot and dirty to me as he began to pee inside me. He'd hold my head and nose so I had no choice but to swallow his pee and breath thru my mouth. I could really enjoy it too if I was horny and he hadn't sucked me off that day. His piss wasn't bad, and mostly had little taste. The temp was body temp so I could hardly tell it was going down, except my belly was filling up; really full sometimes. He never took my piss, but he ate my cum so I was happy, and when I was horny, I really wanted his pee in my gut. Sometimes I'd go to his house when he was gone and pee a little into the ice trays so he actually took a lot of my pee over the years. We both froze our cum in the trays and put that in our drinks many times. Sometimes I've wondered just how many gallons of his cum I swallowed over those years. And just how many miles of cock he shoved inside my mouth and ass. That would be interesting to know and to see just how much and how long. I'll bet it was hundreds of miles at least. We fucked each other, his wife and dog and one of my GFs for over 20 years! Hard to believe.

His cock massaged my prostate at will now, and I knew he wanted to cum, because he was wrapped around me tight from behind, holding his cock deep inside me as he moved in short, firm strokes, moaning softly as he pinched my tits and rubbed my belly. My prostate was singing a familiar tune, making my cock buzz with excitement even tho I wasn't touching it at all. He was going to make me cum and then he was going to fill me with his hot, creamy cum like he'd done so many times in the past. Those short strokes brought us to a blackout inducing orgasm, almost together, and it was all either of us could do to keep from passing out. After over 20 years of good fucking, we knew each other well. There was no love, we just enjoyed good sex with each other and as many others as we could get and share.

I really don't like guys, but I love what their cocks can do for me. Guys are friends; good friends get sucked if they want it. I fall in love with women. It's very emotional sometimes. Guys are just a friend and a cock to suck. I'm over 80 now and don't get as horny as I once did, but horny enough sometimes to try to write a story or too. I used to write a lot of stories for my GF who loved to read them. I was horny all the time back then. For me to write sex stories, I need to be horny. LoL! Seldom write now, and the writing isn't even as good as it was back then; and I was no writer then. Maybe U like this a little. It's all true memories as close as I can remember. Wish I could remember all the good times from the old chat rooms that I've had. There were sooo many hot men and women over the years. Thanks so much to you all for sharing all of the hot pics, good role playing sessions, and so much more. You shared your cocks, pussies and your fantasies, and I'll never forget how enjoyable it was.

I'm too lazy to go back and proof this. Hope it makes some sense.

I am doing one of these programs where you ape some guy on the screen doing a gymnastics workout. I started filming myself doing it. I am doing it nude, only, to avoid having to wash clothes each time and to have it done with a shower.

Who else is doing that?

Now that a jury has convicted a nigger doctor of killing that nigger singer, Michael Jackson... I see videos of cheering niggers in the street. Ape has killed ape. Why are the other apes so happy?

Life, the Universe & everything.

Quotes from Douglas Adams, one of the funniest guys that ever lived.

RIP 1952 - 2001.
So long, & thanks for all the books.

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realised there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”

“Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.”

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

“God puts an apple tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden and says, do what you like guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha." It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it... because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end.”

“He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each.”

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”

“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.”

“I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.”

“If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.”

“If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.”

“If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.”

"INFINITE: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that, in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow, that's big" time. Infinity is so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here.”

“Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”

“It is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry 'I could have thought of that' is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they didn't, and a very significant and revealing fact it is too.”

“It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made p******** should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

“It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.”

“Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.”

“Life is wasted on the living.”

“Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor, at least no one worth speaking of.”

“Many words and expressions which only a matter of decades ago were considered so distastefully explicit that, were they merely to be breathed in public, the perpetrator would be shunned, barred from polite society, and in extreme cases shot through the lungs, are now thought to be very healthy and proper, and their use in everyday speech and writing is evidence of a well-adjusted, relaxed and totally unfucked-up personality.”

"Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.”

“That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.”

“The difficulty with this conversation is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.”

“The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phase, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?”

“The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.”

“The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

“The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.”

“The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

“This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”

“Time is bunk.”

“Time, we know, is relative. You can travel light years through the stars and back, and if you do it at the speed of light then, when you return, you may have aged mere seconds while your twin brother or sister will have aged twenty, thirty, forty or however many years it is, depending on how far you traveled. This will come to you as a profound shock, particularly if you didn't know you had a twin brother or sister.”

“We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”

“We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”

“You live and learn. At any rate, you live.”

“A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.”

“It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear.”

“If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasn't there...what then?

The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not.”

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea ...”

“Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. Thus was the Empire forged.”

“You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon

airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in

deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me

when I was young!

Why, what did she tell you?

I don't know, I didn't listen!”

“...was there a reason behind it? There would be no point in asking... he never appeared to have a reason for anything he did at all: he had turned unfathomably into an art form. He attacked everything in life with a mixture of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”

“Anything that happens, happens.

Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.

Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.

It doesn’t necessarily do it in chronological order, though.”

“Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.”

“Who is this God person anyway?”

“On the way back, they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms.”

“Well I think we've sorted all that out now. If you'd like to know, I can tell you that in your Universe you move freely in three dimensions that you call space. You move in a straight line in a fourth, which you call time, and stay rooted to one place in a fifth, which is the first fundamental of probability. After that it gets a bit complicated, and there's all sorts of stuff going on in dimensions 13 to 22 that you really wouldn't want to know about. All you really need to know for the moment is that the Universe is a lot more complicated then you might think.”

"`...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling anyone or anything.'

`But the plans were on display...'

`On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.'

`That's the display department.'

`With a torch.'

`Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'

`So had the stairs.'

`But look you found the notice didn't you?'

`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard".'"

"`Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'

`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the "Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'"

"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'"

"Pages one and two [of Zaphod's p********ial speech] had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it."

“this is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.”

"`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasently like being drunk.'

`What's so unpleasent about being drunk?'

`You ask a glass of water.'"

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"

"There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?' `Why do they die?' `Why do they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?'"

"The fronting for the eighty-yard long marble-topped bar had been made by stitching together nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep their insides in."

"`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.'

The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.

`Stick it up your nose,' he said.

`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' insisted the girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?'"

“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”

"Ford grabbed him by the lapels of his dressing gown and spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if he were somebody from a telephone company accounts department."

“Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a great distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times in there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down into its accustomed position.”

"His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. He wasn't certain if this was because they were trying to see more clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this point."

"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind."

"`You know they've reintroduced the death penalty for insurance company directors?'

`Really?' said Arthur. `No I didn't. For what offence?'

Trillian frowned. `What do you mean, offence?'

`I see.'"

"`She hit me on the head with the rock again.'

`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'

`Sweet kid.'

`You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.

`She eases up does she?'

`No,' said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to duck.'"

"The beak was a major piece of armoury. It was a beak that would frighten any animal on earth, even one that was already dead and in a tin."

"`Could we perhaps take a snake bite detector with us to Komodo?'

`Course you can, course you can. Take as many as you like. Won't do you a blind bit of good because they're only for Australian snakes.'

`So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly, then?'

He blinked at me as if I was stupid.

`Well what do you think you do?' he said. `You die of course. That's what deadly means.'"

"Mark turned and asked a passenger behind us if these planes ever crashed. Oh yes, he was told, but not to worry - there hadn't been a serious crash now in months."

"Virtually everything we were told in Indonesia turned out not to be true, sometimes almost immediately. The only exception to this was when we were told that something would happen immediately, in which case it turned out not to be true over an extended period of time."

"Komodo dragons sleep headfirst in large burrows. It is a very, very, very bad idea to even think of pulling its tail."

“Plenty of people did not care for him much, but then there is a huge difference between disliking somebody -- maybe even disliking them a lot -- and actually shooting them, strangling them, dragging them through the fields and setting their house on fire. It was a difference which kept the vast majority of the population alive from day to day.”

“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own laws.”

“The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.”

“The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end.”

“One of the problems of taking things apart and seeing how they work - supposing you're trying to find out how a cat works--you take that cat apart to see how it works, what you've got in your hands is a non-working cat. The cat wasn't a sort of clunky mechanism that was susceptible to our available tools of analysis.”

“For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across - which happened to be the Earth - where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.”

“The technology involved in making anything invisible is so infinitely complex that nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand million, nine hundred and ninety- nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety- nine times out of a billion it is much simpler and more effective just to take the thing away and do without it.”

“Since this Galaxy began, vast civilisations have risen and fallen, risen and fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's quite tempting to think that life in the Galaxy must be (a) something akin to seasick - space-sick, time sick, history sick or some such thing, and (b) stupid.”

“It wasn't his job to worry about that, though. It was his job to do his job, which was to do his job. If that led to a certain narrowness of vision and circularity of thought then it wasn't his job to worry about such things.”

“All you really need to know for the moment is that the universe is a lot more complicated than you might think, even if you start from a position of thinking it's pretty damn complicated in the first place.”

“Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your major data banks and reprogram you with a very large axe.”

“I think all cats are wild cats. They just act tame if they think they'll get a saucer of milk out of it.”

“Look, would it save a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”

“Now, either you all give yourselves up now and let us beat you up a bit, though not very much of course because we are firmly opposed to needless violence, or we blow up this entire planet and possibly one or two we noticed on our way out here!”

“Rome wasn't burned in a day.”

“The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.”

“The most misleading assumptions are the ones you don't even know you're making.”

“There is probably buried in the Western psyche a deep taboo about eating anything you've been introduced to socially.”

“Totally mad. Utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.”

“We are not an endangered species ourselves yet, but this is not for lack of trying.”

“Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters, which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see.”

“If you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. That forces you to sort it out in your own mind. And the more slow and dim-witted your pupil, the more you have to break things down into more and more simple ideas. And that's really the essence of programming. By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've certainly learned something about it yourself. The teacher usually learns more than the pupil does.”

"Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in..."

"...he was at least twice as unbalanced now, and quite liable to fall off whatever it is that well-balanced people are supposed to be balancing on."

"In his dreams he was walking late at night along the East Side, beside the river which had become so extravagantly polluted that new life forms were now emerging from it spontaneously, demanding welfare and voting rights"

"Busy executives often didn’t have time for a full-time wife and family and would just rent them for weekends."

"It was impossible for Arthur to know this, but he just went ahead and knew it anyway."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

I lost my virginity to a great ape.

I confess that I have seen this old planet of the apes porn (can't remember the name) not only once but twice, not out of arousal but just because it's fucking hilarious.

There is no truth to the rumor that niggers are monkeys. Monkeys have tails, apes do not have tails therefore, niggers are Apes not Monkeys. Get it strait.

Okay, I confess. There is nothing worse than a liver-lipped, no working, crack sucking, rib licking, chicken frying, welfare cheating, burr headed, drunk ass, word slurring, tar head, porch monkey, spear chucker, yard ape, coon, savage, native, darkie, pickininnie, watermelon head, knuckle dragging, spook, colored, tar headed nigger. And another thing. Why is it that everywhere you go these days, there is a nigger talking on a cell phone? They are always talking real loud and all you can hear is mup da do didda po mo gub bidda be dat tum muhfuhgen bix nood cof bin dub ho muh fuhgga. What the hell is that? Why would a race that can't speak anything but unintelligible gibberish be so obsessed with a communication device? It makes me wonder what the world is coming to.

I confess. I have a foot fetish. But i wish all NIGGERS would stop uploading clips onto sites. YOU NIGGERS HAVE MONKEY FEET!
GET BACK TO THE JUNGLE YOU FUCKIN APES!
Fucking niggers feet are just like monkey feet!
Fuckin sub-human scum.

I confess that last summer I worked as an adult counselor at a summer camp. The everage age of the kids was twelve to fourteen. Late at night I was taking a walk down by the river and came upon a couple of young girls making out.

I could just barely make out their naked nubile bodies in the full moon. The noise from the river covered my approach. I knew I could lose my job and be branded a perv for life but this was just too much. I had a pretty good vantage point but wanted a better look and maybe a wank. I took off my sneakers to be quieter and tied them up in the tree so I could find them later. Or maybe not. I had a mission at this point.

I snuck up pretty close to them. At my age I felt such a perv crawling on all fours in the dark to sneak up on young kids doing something so innocent. I knew then and still know this is a once in a lifetime shot.

I am on my knees watching them through the brush. Get my hard on out and start stroking. They are tonguing each other like mad while they jam their fingers up their little twats. I could just barely make out their little landing strips of fur in the twilight....God if I get caught I am so done. My girlfriend, my job, sex offender for life....I just don't care my dick has never been this hard in my life.

The older one grabs her younger partner by the hips and tosses her over like a sack of potatoes and makes her get on all fours. Definitely a future bull dyke in the making not that you would know it now by looking at her puffy little nips and downy soft pussy hairs. She cravenly starts some of the most vicious analinguous on her wimpering girlfriend I have ever seen in my life. I move slightly to my left for a better view and a stick cracks...OH SHIT.

They immediately cease their porn star antics and turn back into frightened little children. That stick might as well have been a fifty thousand candle power flare. They stare at me wide eyed. They stutter, stammer finally Meagan the young one starts to cry a little bit and says "are we in trouble" I can just start to see her lower lip shake a little bit. My mind races as to how I can turn this around. I can't stand as they will see my now gigantic hard on. I see their heap of clothes is nearer the river to me, a good diversion. I tell them to get dressed. Immediately like a couple of little puppets they jump up and run for their gear. I am barely able to stick my dick back in without it becoming a zipper casuality.

Enboldened I stand up behind my bush and walk towards them. They haven't even managed to find out whose panties are whose at this point. They stand naked in front of me humiliated. I stared deeply at their young naked forms in the moonlight. A chance like this would never come my way again in my life. Meagan almost sobbing at this point begs me not to tell anyone. I tell her it is standard for something like this that I will need to file an incident report and their parents will be informed. If I don't I can lose my job, etc. She says the magic words. 'please I will do anything.' Amanda the older thirteen year old always did have the look of a dirty slut. At the moment she is a a dirty and somewhat scared slut. I unzip and point my rigid cock at her. "anything huh".

Both their eyes grow wide. They are both speechless. I walk closer and grab her hand and pull it towards my cock. She holds onto my shaft to scared to move. I gently put my hand on the back of her head and push her maybe a little too roughly towards my stick. Now she is on her knees staring at her dirty little fate. I push a little farther and she takes the head in. At first I have to do all the work pushing her head back and forth on my cock but after a minute or two she starts to really get into it. Obviously she has done this before. Big surprise there. Meagan is standing a couple of feet away crossing her arms over her little mosquito bumbs. I look her in the eye. I almost feel bad as she is only twelve but I need her to be part of this to encourage her to keep mum. I motion for her to come closer. I gently stroke her soft downy hair and tell her everything is cool. Don't worry. She says she has never done this before. I tell her don't worry it all comes natural. Slowly I push her to her knees. At this point I almost need a pry bar to get the greedy little cock pig off my junk. This girl is destined to be a true whore. I tell Meagan to do just what she saw her friend doing. She opens her mouth nervously and starts slow and deliberate. Oh man I really want to prolong this but her mouth is honey. Hot melted honey....just then I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn around and there is a seven foot bigfoot glaring at me. In its left hand it is holding my sneakers and with its right finger is shaking an incriminating index finger at me. Oh shit! A witness! I fumble in my pockets which are at this point around my ankles. Ah yes. I pull out my Gerber field knife, open and stab for the neck. He wheels in pain and a dark red arch of blood splatters across the girls nude bodies. He clutches his neck and stares at me with firery red eyes, canine teeth bared. I need another distraction. I grab Amanda the dirty slut and toss her at the feet of the Sasquatch. This gives me enough time to pull up my pants so I can fight like a man. I back up to the river as I know that apes hate water and what can this be other than a giant ape. He approaches me with a fury. I take another stab and he slaps the knife out of my hand and laughs a deep guteral laugh. With one hand he grabs me by the neck and pushes me to the ground as he deliberately chokes me I can feel the life ebb from my body. At the edge of conciousness I can see Meagan coming out of the darkness I try to tell her to run but this ape is choking me after all.

I hear a thud and another and another the giant hand lets go and the ape falls into the water Meagan is standing over me with a rock almost as big as her. I shakily regain my composure. I stand up and pry the rock from her trembling hands and toss it into the raging current. With no small effort I drag the hairy beast into the water and watch it drift away. I tell the girls to clean up in the water. I can tell Amanda is still a little pissed at being used for a diversionary tactic but hey at least we survived. And being a little whore she will get used to being treated badly by men.

As we walk back up the trail to camp I know there is no need to tell the girls to keep quiet. Meagan still emails me every couple of weeks. What a neat kid. In a few years she will be legal. I think I will marry her. After all we developed such a close bond that night that can never be broken.

I think that black women are fucking ugly. They totall turn me off, because they have such an ugly filthy pussy and a face like an ape. But I am not racist. I just don't get a boner when I see a nigger slut.

10 REASONS WHY I HATE NIGGERS

1. Just look at them. They still resemble the apes that they were derived from. Same ape-shaped face, wide fucking nose, massive lips, and same nasty looking paws.

2. They are welfare hogging pieces of shit. When someone actually needs a little bit of help from welfare, they usually cannot receive it due to all the spooks living off of everyone else�s work.

3. Why not hate them? What purpose do they serve on earth, other than to make it unsuitable for everyone else?

4. They stink extremely bad.

5. They can barely speak properly. I hate listening to those ebonics speaking pieces of shit and trying to decipher what the fuck they are mumbling about. Maybe if they�d take some time away from stealing, robbing, raping, and ruining the world for everyone else�they could spend some time getting an education.

6. They make me mad seeing them on TV. BET? Why is it necessary to devote an entire channel to them? Do we really need to see them trying to make �music� while jumping around on stage just like their ape ancestors? No, we don�t. Maybe if they�d remove stupid shit like this, then maybe future niggers wouldn�t try to imitate these idiots.

7. Those stupid fucks wearing pants that are falling down to their knees. Um, hello you stupid niggers. It�s bad enough that we have to see your stupid faces and other uncovered regions. We really don�t want to see your nasty lower regions being exposed. If we wanted to see that, we have zoos and Animal Planet to get our fix for those who have a fascination with looking at apes exposed.

8. They walk around constantly grabbing their dicks. Why is that? Are they secretly scratching at their venereal diseased cocks? Or, are they just trying to imitate their ape ancestors?

9. They ruin cars. Have you seen these idiots who sell crack to make enough money to put 24 inch wheels on a car designed for 14 inch wheels? They make them look like some sort of monster truck or something. STOP IT NIGGERS! Just because you have the minds of chimps doesn�t mean you should be entitled to destroy automobiles.

10. They ruin sports. It�s pretty bad trying to watch a sporting event and all you can see is a jersey/uniform on the screen. They are the reason they had to start putting names on the back. Who the fuck can tell them apart? When all you see is a shiny black image, it�s really hard to tell them apart. You stupid spooks.

ADD YOURS PLEASE. 88

What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.

Why don't niggers take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

Why do spics drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

What do you get when you cross a jew and a gypsy?
A chain of empty retail stores.

Why don't nigger kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

What do you call an apartment full of niggers?
A COON-dominium.

Why are there no nigger astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

How do you babysit a niglet?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

How do you get him down?
Teach him to say "Motherfucker."

How else do you babysit a niglet?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

How do you get him down?
Invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it's a pi�ata party.

Why do jews have big noses?
Air is free.

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers.

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the nigger had to stop on the way down and spray paint "motherfucker" on the wall.

Why don't spics have barbeques?
The beans keep falling through the grill.

You hear about the new car made in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
Roll a doughnut down the street.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.

How do chinks name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs.

What's the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?

The bag.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

When does a Black man turn into a nigger?
As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
Nigger.

What do you call a nigger in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.

There is a nigger and a spic in a car, who's driving?
The cop.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

How long does it take a nigger bitch to take a shit?
9 months.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Niger nigger nigger.

How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell them its a raft.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Why do niggers have flat noses?
That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
It comes in a spray can.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Why do niggers walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.

Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?
That's the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.

How do you stop a nigger from going out?
Pour more gas on him.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

What do you do if you run over a nigger?
Reverse.

Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
You put it on the front of your car.

What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They're both niggers.

How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can't read?
They're both niggers.

Why do niggers wear wide-brimmed hats?
So pigeons can't shit on their lips.

Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!" the niggers would jump up and start dancing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.

What's black and tan and looks good on a nigger?
A Doberman Pinscher.

What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.

Did you hear about Evel Knieval's new motorcycle stunt?
He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like niggers.

What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.

Why did god give niggers rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.

Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

Why can't nigger women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
You don't.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the niggers to the dump.

What's a crying shame?
When a bus full of niggers drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?
A dart.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems

How many spics does it take to have a bath?
Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.

What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
The length of the chain.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

What do you have if you've got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

How do you get 12 niggers in a Volkswagen?
Throw in a welfare check.

How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."

What are some good anti nigger sites? I used to subscribe to chimpout but found out that the mods there were not much better than niggers themselves.

Still I am interested in exploring the topic of niggers being less than human and would like to share my daily exploits with pavement apes and read other people's experiences as well.

I need a link to a particular video. Maybe it is here at Motherless.

Its of a teen girl (18+ probably) caught by her dad as she was doing a webcam show. She was completely nude and on her bed.

The only talking done in the clip was by the father. It was in Spanish. Subtitles were edited in.

I can remember him saying something like, "My little cow, what are you doing, is this how you get respect?". He is pointing at the cam and going ape shit.

Then with an open hand he whacks her. Left hand, right hand, left hand, left hand, right, both hands across the head.

If anyone knows of its whereabouts and shares, that would be fucking magnificent in the highest sense.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes:

Is this a movie about our unshakable desire to teach Mexicans and Niggers to be more like human beings? The trailer indicates that, after gaining some knowledge, these apes will use weapons against us in a brutal riot for control of a city. Eventually they will win due to their large numbers.

Niggers and Mexican breed like vermin. Their animal like willingness to die en mass for their species is plastered throughout the news media on a daily basis. They are much more intelligent than the next smartest animal species on Earth. They already know how to use human weapons, communications systems and transportation. Is this movie a warning? A prophecy?

So I just got done watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes at the theater. Could someone please tell me why the fuck it's always black people who talk through the entire movie. Jesus Christ, next time I'll bring some fucking fried chicken and water melon as a bribe to shut them up.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: This is the first movie I've seen in a very long time where a nigger is the evil, greed driven, bad guy. Is this movie a slap in the face to niggers? Is this move racists?

I noticed that, once a monkey became intelligent, its eye color changed to green. Brown eyed (or, pure nigger) monkeys were stupid and needed the help of white engineered technology to become smarter.

my daughter is a freshman at LSU and she has some hot friends. i mean on a scale of 1 to 10 the uglyest is a 8.5.
she has one friend trish. she is on the uper 9.5 or better that always comes around wearing see threw t shirts and short that are so tight you can see a camel toe easly or so loose you can see everthing when she sits down.
i dont mean to brag but i'm 49 and still have a 6 pack i'm not a musle bond ape but stay in good shape.
we dont have a pool we have a pond. and i was laying ont he table after digging a big ass hole ot bury some trash and relaxing.
i wanted to get up and go move the tractor into the shade so the seat wont be so hot when i got back on it but i was just to lazy.
and jannis came up yelling at me and i yelled at he i was over here laying my butt down. and she came up to see if she could use my truck because she wanted to go to the beach for awhile. i told her sure and she left.
i guess i went to sleep or something because it was a couple hours later trish was standing over me. kinda scared me at first. she was smiling and ask where janis was. i told her she went to the beach and thought she was with her. she told me no she had to work and wanted to use the pond to cool off. i told her to go ahead and to my suprise she striped down to a G string and jumped in. and everytime she moved her top would come loose and her nice tits would fall out. i laughed and told ehr she might as well take the top off it dont fit anyways and she threw it to me.
then she said you should join me i told her i dont have anything to wear and now wearing my jeans in the water . she said get naked i dont care and she bulled ehr bottoms off and threw them to me. then she walked out of the water to me and started unding my pants.
i told her i'm old enough to be your daddy and if i get naked we going ot fuck. thinking that might make ehr stop, but it didn't she said i hope so daddy.i stood up she pulled my pants down and i pulled off my shirt and she grabed my dick and used it as a leash and pulled me into the water. she said your all sweaty and need to clean up before i fuck you untill you cant take anymore.
she wetn all over my body with her hands even the crack of my ass. and as she did she did the same thing with her mouth and stuck her toung up my ass hole.
after few minutes of this i returned the favor and i rolled her over on her belly and rased her as in the air and you could tell she been ass fucked alot. i stuck my tounge in her ass and i thought she was going to suck my tounge off she sucked it in so hard. i started fingering her pussy one two thee and then four fingers while i was still eating her ass hole out. and the next thing i knew is i had my fist in her pussy up to my wrist. i have never found a girl i could fist.
i stoped eating her ass and stuck my dick in her ass i knew i couldn't do anything for that pussy. i pulled out and rolled her over on her back and started fucking her ass again and was working my fist in her pussy again . i busted 3 nuts in her ass and never lost my hard on. but i was hurting so i stoped layed down and she set on top of me her pussy was so losse i couldnt feel it at first but then it started getting tight again.
she pulled out and stuck it up her ass again. then she said i have ot pee daddy. but i dont want to stop. well dont i said. i was going to tell her to just hold it but before i could she starting pissing all over me. i never thought i'd get into pee but i had to try and i started feeling her ass hole up with pee. and it wasn't easy its liek haveing a rubber band around your dick when you pee its hard to do. i pissed so much it ran out all over the table as soon as i pulled out. my poor dick was raw and went limp.
she grabed em by the hand and pulled me into to water. we washed off and it was well after dark now but its a good think it was a full moon. we jumped on the tractor togeher and my dick got hard again while she was on my lap and i reached down and slid it in her pussy as i tought her how to drive home. i had our cloths in my hands as she drove. it takea about 5 minutes to get back to the house in a stright line but she drove all the way around the land so it took about 20 minutes.
i have a nice yard in the back so i dont uselly put the tractor on it but tonight she drive right up to the door. she jumped of grabed our cloths from me and ran into the house. i followed like a lost puppy.
the last thing on my mind right then was my real daughter jannis. i ran into the kitchen and trish had a glass of tea in hand and handed me a the pitcher and a glass. i just drank out of the pitcher and set it down and bent her over the table and started eating her ass out again.
and i almost past out. when i heard jannis say damn daddy you going ot have to stop soon your old and i dont want you haveing a heart attact and die on me.
trish busted out laughing and ask her how long you been home. jannis said about 3 hours and you two was already fucking when i walked out to the pond. i was about to go break you tow up because i was scared you fuck my daddy to death. because i know what kind of fuck whore you are when you get started you dont know when to quit and my daddys no spring chicken anymore. i stood up and said hay i might be older but i'm not old. i can go longer if i want to and i think i might want to .they both laughed and my daughter said well happy fathers days daddy. she was my present to you.
i couldnt beleave my ears when i heard that then i snaped. hey its not fathers day.
then she said happy birthday, easter, christmas. just take it and shut the hell up.
then i snaped i'm naked in my kitchen with one hot ass fuck slut and my 19 year old daughter just looking at my naked body. i grabed my pants and started putting them on and trish ask are we done.
i told her as long as my kid was here i guess so.
jannis told me its ok daddy i need her help for a few minutes anyways. truish jumped up kissed me and grabed her hand and they walked up the stairs togeher. and in less than two minutes i heard the shower going. so i walked down the hall and the door was wide open so i walked in and they was in the shower together washing each othere and trish was telling her everything that we did that day and threw the door i couldnt really see to much but i could tell both girls had there hands in each othere pussy.
thats another story.
i hope you enjoyed this one

Black people, especially the dumb ones calling themselves African Americans, Are stupid as hell, an APE has more brains then these dumb idiots.
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JUST Look at how black people act. When they get into fights what happens? they jump around like fucking monkeys. I watched a video online and there was about 40 grease ball niggers jumping around acting like idiots. and nigger woman puting their finger into each others faces, repeating the same thing over and over again. and somone commented on it and said "Who let them out of the cage" ..and you know what, he is right, black people really do act like fucking apes. Obnoxious, and loud.

And although I think evolution is bullshit, I truly believe black people evolved from monkeys. You look at a Gorillas nose, and black people have the same nose. look at their lips. they both got huge fucking lips. ..look at their hair, both Apes and niggers have nappy hair. look at their eyes, the same color. ears. same ears. the only thing these fucking parasites dont have are tails. if it wasnt for that you could put them in a jungle and not tell the difference.

Scum Bags.

this site is DEPRESSING, seeing all you fags trying to get laid, when you wont get laid for another 20 years, and asking other stupid virgins for advice, its like a bunch of clueless apes.

ephebophile
Noun

ephebophile (plural ephebophiles)
1.A person with ephebophilia
2.An adult who is sexually attracted to adolescents
3.An adult who engages in sexual activity with adolescents

gerontophile

gerontophile (plural gerontophiles)
1.A lover or admirer of the elderly

hebephile

hebe- + -phile

[edit] Noun

hebephile (plural hebephiles)
1.A person who has hebephilia.

Noun

pedophile (plural pedophiles)
1.A an adult or late teenager who is sexually attracted to prepubescent children.  [quotations ▼]

[edit] Usage notes
The term pedophile is regularly used in the media to describe adults who engage in sexual activity with children.

NIGGERphile - a person who is attracted to niggers (apes)

Meet Chloe, a wacked out druggie that is completely fucking insane. I met her on a dating app (Tinder to be exact). We matched up, and had a good conversation. She wanted to meet me for drinks, and ended up meeting and skipping the drinks only to go back to her place and fuck.

Chloe had a small messy, smelly apartment. Unwashed stained undies scattered the floor around her bed, she didn't clean at all. Messy plates with old food on them were on her dresser, old bottles of beer, wine of all kinds decorated the floor as well as the dressers.

"Yeah, it's a fucking mess," she admitted, "but you're not here as my maid, you're here to fuck this body, right?" She leaned in and bit my lip hard enough to cause it to bruise and swell.
She took off her clothing and got on her knees and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, my cock was immediately in her throat. She pumped it with her hand and used her teeth to scrape the tip. I winced in pain.
She pulled my cock out of her mouth, "ya fucking pussy man up. Hey, take a pic of me kissing your cock."
"My phone is in my jacket," I told her.
She slapped me on my ass hard, and went and picked up my jacket, handed it to me and I got my phone.
"Take a fucking picture," she said as she looked up and kissed my cock.
I did, took the picture and then she started going crazy - holding my ass and pulling my body into her face, she was almost raging - it was weird. She gripped my ass and then slid a finger up my asshole, I jump.
Again she came up for air, "oh you little fuck, you don't like anal play? lay down."
I looked around her messy floor, her bed was unkempt and dirty too.
"On the floor?"
She slapped my ass hard, and had a weird look in her eyes. I laid down and she stood up and went to her dresser where she got out a bag filled with some white powder, not sure what it was - probably coke or heroine. She put a little on my stomach and snorted it off and screamed really loud.
"FUCK YEAH, N***** bitch slut," she screamed as she inhaled more of it. Yes - I'm a white dude and she called me (or whoever) the N word. She licks her index and middle fingers and inserts them up her ass and then proceeds to mount me, but falls right over onto my face and starts laughing. She then bites my neck hard. And then jumps up, and shoves my cock right into her ass, with no condom.
I was a bit freaked out, this bitch was off the walls. She started rough riding my cock, sloppily, her ass was nice and tight but she was so fucked up she couldn't keep it inside her and she'd pull to far up and it would pop out, which was creating more air suction - so she'd let out these smelly farts - and then lick my cock and try to shove it back in her ass. Eventually she put it into her pussy, and started pulling on her nipples, and beating on her chest like she was an ape. Grunting, sometimes looking up at the ceiling and zoning out, falling over and then regaining her composure. I didn't know what was wrong with her when she fell over I told her that I had to go.
"Listen mother fucker, fuck you. Fucking whore," she said drooling, spreading her legs, slapping her cunt hard. I just shook my head. No way was this crazy pussy worth it.
I reached for my pants and she screamed and jumped on me, pushing me down on to her nasty bed.
"Come on, come on come on, baby baby baby fuck. Need you, give me your cum before you leave baby, please please please."
She again jammed my cock inside her and grabbed my neck, so I grabbed her neck - fuck this cunt.
She grinned, "Squeeze," so I did, tightly. Her face started turning purple so I stopped. She leaned down and bit my chest, breaking the skin so I slapped her - this made her fuck me harder.
"YES!!! That's it, I'm a bad fucking whore, get this whore's pussy and spray your cum."
I over powered her, flipped her over and grabbed on to her neck an pulled her hair to hold her down. Then I twisted one of her arms behind her and plowed into her doggie style. She tried to fight but I pushed her face deeper into her disgusting bedding.
"Oh daddy, you're such a fucking N*****", I smacked the back of her head, hard.
"Stop being such a racist cunt," I said sternly. She started bucking with each thrust of my cock and I flipped her over missionary. Her lip was bleeding because she was biting too hard on in, and she was way too high to even know what the fuck she was even doing.
"Give me your cum daddy," she moaned, and I did. I came inside her pussy. She slumped back into the bed, seemingly satisfied so I got dressed.
"Stay the night daddy, please?" she was trying to act like an innocent little girl.
"No, I got shit to do - " she started crying.
"you better call me..." she whimpered.
I left. I don't know if I'll call her, she really did leave a lot of bruises and bite marks on me. I guess if I'm desperate and I need a hole to fuck, I might give her another go - but otherwise I'm going to keep looking for other whores to fuck on Tinder.

i am a man who likes to swing on vines like tarzan. oft times i will go deep into the congo and pretend to be the king of the jungle, the white ape. and i use my millions of dollars (i got rich betting on steph curry and the golden state warriors) to hire a bunch of africans to be my tribespeople, and i speak broken english to them and they treat me like a king. and i get a big ego stroke out of it.

Wife and I have been married since forever. Recently I developed a intense interest in teen/pre-teen girl. My wife and I were having sex last nite and I told her of my desires, She went absolutly ape-shit. I mean the idea of me fucking some young girl turned her on so much it was the best sex we have had in years.

Thank god for spell-check on chrome but I got to say it drives me ape-shit when I type in a word and tells me I spelled it wrong but the only option is the same word spelled the exact same way :P