My Ex Dumped Me to Go Fight In Ukraine

I know there are a lot of bullshit posts on here regarding confessions - I think I'm just writing all of this to vent.
Back when Russia invaded the Ukraine, I was engaged to a beautiful woman named Nina. Nina was born in the Ukraine, but moved to the USA to go to nursing school after she got out of high school. She was taught English in high school and speaks it very well. I first met her through a mutual friend, and we hit it off. We dated for a good 4 years and were engaged for the last 2 years. We planned on getting married in May of 2022, but Russia decided to invade her homeland.
Looking back at my relationship with her, it was always such a perfect time. We never argued, we were sexually open about our needs, and boy she could satisfy every single need I had.
She was planning on getting of birth control in April so we could fuck to our hearts content on our honeymoon (which was going to be in Cancun Mexico). She wanted to start a family with me, get pregnant as soon as possible.
When Russia invaded, it all changed. She became distant, depressed, anxious. Eventually she sat me down to have a talk.
"I need to do something that will break your heart, and mine. I'm going back to Ukraine to fight and I know you'll want to come with me, but I need to do this on my own, for my people. I'm breaking off our engagement."
I was shocked, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I begged and pleaded with her.
"I do this because I love you, and I don't want you to die," she was stern, cold.
"I'm fucking going with you, I'd rather die next to you than be left here being depressed that my fiance is off fighting in a fucking war, no fucking way, I'm coming."
It was the first time she ever hit me, the slap was hard and my lip split open. Blood trickled down my chin. Tears welled up in her eyes and she got up and walked away.
I didn't have much to say to her when she was packing, I just was stunned that it was all over.
I sat on the couch, and she came and sat down next to me. She kissed me on the lips and we fucked. It was just so odd, like she wanted just one last fuck out of me - and I gave it to her. It was the most aggressive I've ever fucked her, or any woman. I grabbed her throat, slammed my cock in her tight pussy as her legs were wrapped around me. I slapped her, spit in her mouth, and she took every bit of the abuse.
I was so angry I flipped her over doggy style and jammed it in her ass, "since we're not having a kid I might as well just cum in your ass."
She moaned with each and every thrust, her little asshole was tight. I only usually teased it with the head of my cock, but this time I was thrusting all of my dick in her. It hurt her, I could tell.
I pulled her hair, bit her neck and came deep inside her asshole. I left bruises, I left my mark.
She collected herself, got dressed and left.
She texts me every so often. She says she misses me, says she loves me and hopes that I accept her back after the war. I told her I would.
Her occupation in the Ukrainian military is combat field nurse, and supervisor head nurse.
There was a gap when she didn't contact me for a good month, and I figured she probably met some other dude and was fucking him. But she sent me a picture of her wearing a leg brace.
"War is dangerous," was what she wrote me.
It turns out she got shot three times in the leg, it shattered her Tibia and Femur in 2 different places so they had to cut open her leg and get the shards of bone and screw the rest back together. I surely thought that she'd be opting out of the war, but what she said was pretty much that she's addicted to the adrenaline of war.
"You get used to the bodies and the smell eventually. It's like you're not puking every time you see brains and guts splattered all over. You're not puking when you smell burnt flesh after a while either. I guess it's at those times I think of you, when I feel all hope is lost, I think of you. But I also realized that I'm a killer now. I've killed people. I've taken life. Russia is sending idiots here, some are just boys right out of school, young fools. The first time I killed, I cried so hard, the second time I killed my heart raced like I just won the lottery, the third time I killed I smiled. I don't think I'll ever be that sweet girl you wanted to marry... I have nightmares, bad ones of me fucking you and slitting your throat - I wake up in cold sweats, screaming. I never want to hurt you. I love you. The best outcome is me dying here. -Nina"
Of course, I write her back - text her, and email her - sometimes she responds, sometimes she doesn't. She's been gone since April of 2022, fighting in this shitty war. I've asked her if she's met anyone that she's romantically interested in. She didn't respond for a while but then wrote back:
"I'm not fucking any men, if that's what you're asking. Usually I cheat on you with my fingers, but I have found a woman's touch is pretty satisfying too. Yes, I'm fuck buddies with this girl from a small village named Lubny, her husband was killed and we bonded. She cried on my shoulder many nights and eventually for some reason I kissed her and well, I guess I'm now a lesbian. Maybe her and I will fall in love and you can hate me more for hurting you and breaking your heart. I'm a mean bitch, right? I don't mean to hurt you, but I need to see this through. I need to keep fighting for my homeland, just like you would fight for yours."
Eventually I guess the girl she was fucking around with got injured really bad and was shipped to a hospital in Poland. The last message I got from her was, "I miss your dick. I can't stand healing from this leg injury I need to be back on the front lines."
And that was it. I haven't heard from her in about a month. I've checked to see if she was killed a few times but she's still alive, she's just ghosting me.
I keep reflecting back on how we used to be, how we used to fuck - how I'd help her shave her pussy when she'd get out of the shower. How I'd eat her pussy and lick her ass, and how she'd stroke my cock and finger my asshole. I miss her perky little tits bouncing in my face as she would ride me. I miss her perfect round ass and her petite body - then come to find out the fucked up part:
She was offered a modeling position for propaganda and she's doing that now. Anyway, I guess my confession in all of this is: I confess it's time to move on and find someone else. I do love her, I always will love her - but she's so caught up in the war, and it's her life now. Not only that but her coming back to the USA and marrying me... dealing with PTSD and all kinds of shit with her would probably kill our relationship anyway. She's changed as a person. The war seemingly has aged her 10 years. She's cold. I'm mad, sure. Anyway. That's that.
Well, not really. I met another woman who is sweet. I told her about Nina and she understands. This other woman wants to date me full time - we've fooled around. I guess my next move is to tell Nina I've met someone else and wish her luck... but of course that will really hurt for me to do. Nina has obviously moved on with her life, choosing war over me.