When I was 19 years old and in college in Florida, I got really heavy into drugs. Mainly party drugs like coke and ecstasy, and of course plenty of weed, but on occasion other drugs as well. I was out of control and living one big party life on my parent's dime while they struggled mightily to pay for me to have the opportunity they never had and go to college. Looking back I feel like a total asshole about it now as they wanted nothing more than for me to be successful and not have to struggle...sorry, I digressed.

Anyway, since I had no money and wanted to keep up my partying lifestyle and since I was always very athletic, in shape and considered "good-looking", through one of the people I met in the party scene I ended up doing some modeling to make some extra money. Pretty low rent stuff, nothing glamorous, but a couple hundred bucks a week.

This quickly evolved into the opportunity to do some "videos". It started with just masturbation videos of me lying in bed, or on a couch or in the shower jerking off. I figured I was going to do it anyway so why not get paid for it and I was getting paid $100-200 per day that I did a shoot. I could sometimes do 3 or 4 scenes in a day. The guy running the operation said he was impressed by my "re-load" ability and also that I had just the right cock for it...I'm about 8 inches, decently thick and my dick looks perfectly formed from shaft to head and can blow pretty big loads even after only a little break in between. I knew that these were primarily for gay guys to watch but I didn't care. If someone gets off from seeing me, so fucking what. I did these for a while and then he asked one day if I'd want to do some full sex movies and photo shoots and showed me some of his portfolio and all things considered the chicks looked pretty hot and we were now talking more like $300-500 per day so I jumped right at the chance.

It was a crazy scene and pretty much everything you wanted was at your fingertips. Women and drugs galore. Parties every night after shooting. We were all in the 18-22 age bracket so it was just a no responsibility show. But as quickly as I made money it went back out the door on drugs and partying. Then one night when we were partying at the main house this director used for shooting videos, him and a couple of the other "big wigs" in their operation asked me if I would be willing to do some more hardcore shit. At first I was thinking they meant bondage, s&m type stuff, but they quickly made it clear they were talking gay action. I immediately said not a chance, I was straight and no way I could do it. They pushed the matter (and a coffee table with a big pile of blow on it) and said that all the actors in their gay shoots are straight guys because that is the look they wanted in their videos, strong masculine men, not femboys. The guys just do "gay for pay" and they also said I could make up to a $1000 per shoot depending on the circumstances. At that point my eyes lit up and I think they knew they had me. I asked them more questions and they said I could be strictly a top and receive blow jobs, that I didn't have to get fucked or suck or kiss anyone if I didn't want to. I could also do bi scenes where a female actress or two would be involved. I said, what the fuck, let's give it a try.

The next week they had scheduled me in for my first scene. I was shaking like a leaf prior to which was totally not like me. In the other stuff I had already done I was totally calm and had no issues getting naked, getting hard and fucking in front of other people. It was a one on one scene with me and another guy. I was going to be swimming naked in the pool and then get out and immediately go to the lounge chair next to the pool when the "pool guy" was going to show up to service the pool and eventually me who was masturbating while watching him clean the pool. I actually was having a difficult time getting hard which was totally not the norm for me, but he came over and began blowing me for a while and soon enough I did get fully hard. I had sunglasses on and just kept my eyes closed and picturing hot women. I put on a condom and ended up fucking him in a few different positions and then to my surprise he end up blowing his load on my chest as he was riding me, then slid off my cock, dropped back down and sucked me to completion taking my load all over his face.

I said afterward that it wasn't that bad, but I didn't think I wanted to do it again...until I got my next offer and more cash. It went on like this for a while and me just doing the fucking and getting sucked. I still was primarily doing straight shoots though. Then the director came to me with a proposal for a scene. It would be me and this girl I had done some straight scenes with and we would be a "married" couple and then another guy who was coming to our house to do some repairs. But he wanted it to be a scene where me and her completely serviced this guy. We all were going to suck and fuck each other, no holds barred type stuff. I was extremely hesitant but he offered up my biggest payday yet and it was a good chunk of money for 4-5 hours of total "work". I was so far gone into the scene at that time that I agreed and said let's do this.

The day came and again I was nervous. I did all my usual prep on my "manscaping" and where I normally do everything I can to keep myself fresh down below, this time I added the step of the diet one of the other male actors recommended and his full enema routine to completely clean me out. The worst thing on a porn set when anal is involved is having a shit accident. It came time for the scene and we were in the bedroom on a king size bed where I was fucking the girl for a while then the "repair" man came in, he joined in with me "thinking" he was just going to play jointly with my wife but then he starts licking my balls and ass and pulling out my cock from the wife's pussy and sucking on it. We go through some more motions and she is sucking him then she tells me she wants to see me suck him and this is it, the moment I took a cock in my mouth. I did what I had to do and then after he fucks her it was my turn to take his cock. I was laying on my back as she sat on my face and then he started fucking my ass. Hurt like hell but I had to put up a good front. He even made a comment that got into the video about how tight my ass was. Anyway, we finished the scene after everyone had been fucked and sucked and I went out that night with some of the other people from set and we got destroyed on drugs and booze. I was fucked up beyond belief and when I got home that night I said that was it, I was done. Absolutely no more of all of it. The drugs the porn, nothing. The next day I called up the director and said to pull me from the stuff he had me scheduled for the next week. He tried to convince me and told me what a fucking amazing job I had done the day before, but I told him I had to get out. I couldn't handle the life and really was regretting all of it. I pulled the plug that day and never looked back.

So, somehow through all of this I didn't flunk out of school. I ended up completing my degree and living out a pretty mundane, boring college life and working a bullshit part-time job in one of the offices on campus answering phones and shit. Really nobody in my "normal" life had any clue about what I had done. My parents were none the wiser about anything I did partying or whatever and were proud as could be the day they saw me get my degree. I started a job with a top consulting firm and in the decade plus since, have worked hard and progressed so much in my career that I look at the "crazy" money I was making from porn and laugh at how little it is compared to now. I am engaged to a very attractive and smart girl who is an attorney and makes plenty of money herself, but also has no clue about my prior life.

I guess my biggest fear is that one day I am going to come on here and see one of my videos front and center. I know they are out there in various places on the web, but they obviously weren't under my real name and the look I had back then was very different than it is now where I am clean cut hair, have a beard, and even back then in a bunch of the scenes I had bleached blonde hair for a while and a deep Floridian tan. I guess my real name and SSN is on file with the porn company somewhere so that could somehow get out, but generally speaking I got away free and clear without any repercussions. Crazy the journey our lives take.

i confess in the past few years i really started liking muscular men. im 30 bi male with gf , i mean first i started to experiment with anal masturbation then i started jerking to cock pics of hunk men , wishing i can get used by some of them in the gym or in a public toalet. i know u will say its gay and it is but i love it. anyone with the same thoughts ?

The other day walking on the train tracks around my town, because of problems in my own life now, I found something on the side and you may not believe it. I found a 6 or 7 inch Caucasian dildo. I dont think im gay, having only had sex with women but you decide. Most people would have left it there, especially being an 18 year old black male living with his parents. But i picked it up and rushed home, I had tried anal before with my fingers and even my fist. but i had always wanted a dildo and never knew how to go about getting one without my parents knowing, or suffering from embarrassment at our local sex shop.Needless to say i disinfected and cleaned the hell out of this cock just to make sure it was ready for use again.Ill say this, just the feeling of a fake cock in your ass is amazing, and i think i want a bigger one already, unlike my hand. and iv been using it almost daily, I love the feeling of a hard dick or just anything up my ass now,i dont think im gay because well, its only masturbation right? BUt if i am so be it, i want mor all the time , i want a real warm throbbing one in my ass. i ride my dildo so much, and ive never used or moved my hips this way until now...

ITs really amazing and i cant stop, even though my ass is kinda sore ;p

so i have to confess that for 3 to 4 years i was fucking my best friends girlfriend. this is how it all started and some short stories of times we fucked, hope u like and please comment......... let me know if u want more

so ive been friends with this guy since i was like i was 15, back then he was 19 or so and had a girlfriend since a lil before i met him , anyway we used to hang out every day and at one point we lived together in the same house but his girlfriend would come by a visit and most of the time, we would all go out together. i always tought about them as brother and sister at first i wasnt attracted to him or her in any way but i did notice after a while that he was always making comments or saying things trying to see my dick or so idk i never really wanted to do anything with him and always played it stupid like i didnt know what he meant.

it wasnt untill about 5 years ago when i was like 19 or 20 that i started getting soo horny by seen his girlfriend wearing tights seen her lil camel toe and trying to get a glimse of her tits, ass, pussy or anything, i started waking off everyday soooo many times, by this time they bought a trailer home and move in together i would hang out there all the time and sleepover all the time,in the morning on the weekends they would go to work and ill be home alone, one i notice notice they would allways leave their room door locked so curiosity kill the cat right !!! i picked the lock and went in the room for the first time while they were gone, i stared looking at every drawer, found all this sex toys condoms lube, pnties, bras, and all her stuff " ive seen her lean down and u can see her slutty thongs and i remember i just wanted to ripped them off" with my mouth and all the ones i seen her wear were in that lil drawer lol

after that every day when day left i would go in the room and put on her panties and jerk off, weeks past and i started to jerk off and cum all over her panties in the drawer and one day i notice their digital camera on the nite stand, i looked and ther were some hot pictures but nothing really nude. but enough to help me jerk off

by this point i started jerking off sooooooo much and sleeping in just boxers, and since he would live at 7 and she at like 9 if she had to go at all , i started getting up while she was making breakfast" i slept in a couch in the living room but since it was a trailer the living room is right at the kitchen". anyway i would get up and start talking to her and make conversation u know , and at the same time drink coffee with her still waering just boxers so when i sat i wuld pull them up so i knew my dick was visible and since i knew she was looking i would get soo hard so fast. i did this so many times soo many days and as soon as she go to the room or anywhere i would just touch my dick and blow up, once she left her cup to goto the bathroom and i actually put some of my cum in her coffee.

anyway i knew she cheated on him a few times, 4 or 5 to be exact so i knew she was horny and a fucking slut and the pressure was just building up and i wanted to fuck er more and more, while this was happening my friend would keep making this comments like tring to say he wanted to see my dick and shit like that , come on one day he ws like " man this would be perfect " amlike what would be? i said " if we were gay u could be sucking eachothers my dick while one of us drives, and do shit like that at work and nobody would think we are gay cuz they all think we are bros" anyway i was like yeah that would be the best cover lol.

but the one thing that made me say fuckkkk this shit was one nite while we sleeping t i started hearing something moving like a cup on a plate, just a little sound in like waves like bum bum bum so i got up and sneak up to the kitchen 20 feet away and started listening towards their room and then i heard her moaning while she was getting fucked, that nite i was sooo motherfucking hard, so i said am gonna step it up a lil, and once i rubbed my dick on her ass on purpuse and shit like that, i would cum on her tooth brush, on her clothes i woud ask her if she wanted a drink and put ice cubes witch i rubbed on my dick and put cum on them and then put them on the cup.

one night idk why but it hit me, if they had some hot pics on their cam!!! whats on their computer???? so i went and open my computer and typed "jpeg" and all this pics started to appear, i sort thru them and holy shit jackpot there was this whole folder with pics of her naked and him fucking her, i had this adrenaline rush i could not sit still i wanted to jerk off so i did and that wasnt enough i didnt know what to do.

ok so a few days later he had to go to work like 50 miles away so he was gonna spend the nite at a hotel with his coworker and he told me how they were planing to hit up the stripclubs and shit those 3 or 4 nites they were out , so i had to make my move i coulnt hold it anymore, that nite they left i i called him and i said i had to go get some shit from his house so he told me just stay there so his girl wasnt affraid at nite so i was liek idk i got shit to do but maybe ill stay lol curse i was gonna anyway!!!! i got there and we talked for a while and she was on the couch and i was laying on the floor i didnt know how to make my move so while laying on the floor i put my foot up on the couch between her legs but no nowhere near her pussy, i was wearing thos nike sweat pants those saggy big ones no underwear , and she said damm those are big, they look warm and comfortable, i was like yeah they are here am sure u can put ur foot in them and theay will fit along with mine here try it and see how nice they are !! at this point she was down to try it and i remember she was wearing tiny shorts and no sucks, so she start to put her foot in thru the bottom of my sweat pants, keep in mind am still in them , i start feeling her foot and her leg running up againts mine going up my pants and i just got so fucking hard and she was up to my knee so in a joking voice i said dont keep on going cuz u gonna reach my NO flying zone!! adn she just kep on going saying am i there yet now, finally her whole foot was inside the pants along with mine and i say u are soo in my flying zone now just dont turn ur foot sideways cus there is something there, and of curse she turned her foot and just rubbed my dick and just started playing with it with it, i got up and we started kissing and i played with her tits liking them and just touching her but she woulnt let me touch her pussy till finally she gave me a bj and said i would fuck u but am on my period.

that nite we sucked each other and just talked about how bad we both wanted to do it and she told me she used to get so wet all those times she saw my dick during breakfast and all my tissue papers arround the house full of cum i used to leave so she ill pick up , i never told her i had cum on her clothes, tooth brush and even in her coffee. sadly he came back on the third day and thats almost how long it takes for a normal period to go by but nyway it was down hill from there.

he came back monday early like 4am, the next day we started what came to be 4 years of teasing and fucking,the first tiem we fucked was like 3 minutes long lol i just got to his house and started kisisng and fingering her for the first time, she was oo wett her pusy was so soak she was dripping down her legs and her panties were soaked, i call him and was like yo where u at? am at your house hurry up !! he said he was like 5 minutes away, and i was like ooohh fuck so she was putting her pants back on and i looked at her and said idk about u but i have to fuck u right now or am gonna go insane so i just jump on her kissed her and the funny thing was we were both looking down when i was about to put my dick inside her like my dick and her pussy were different people, we both looked down and i put my dick in hher slowly and omg it was the besst feeling ever, we fucked for like 5 minutes and both came then we rushed to get clean up before he got home. after that we started touching eachother eating each other all the time behind his back even when he was like 3 feet away and idk but the fear of getting caught made it 1000 times more interesting and hot here just some times and some things we did

we fucked minutes before he got home almost every day and i would cum in her mouth adn she ill swallow and literally he would walk in sometimes 20 seconds later and they would start making out, sometimes she didnt even get a chance to rinse adn she would wink at me and ill be like omg am soo horny again

he was behind the drier head down behind it hoking up the exhaust pipe and we would be right there with him, me fingering her pussy and she would just grab my dick and put it in her for a few strokes

while in the car as soon as he go out for something i would start eating her anyway i could

we went camping and i ran to the bathroom asked him and her if they had to go and she said i do and we both went, lets just say we had a quickie

while he payed soccer we would fuck around on the bench, touch finger her basically tease eachother

while we worked outside his uncles house i went to get some water inside where she was and finger her and fucked her while we both looked out the window as he worked

a few times we go shoping and while he looked the other way i would grab her ass or tists and if she was wearing a skirt i would just shove my fingers as far in her pussy as i could

at my birthday party i was taking some pictures and she would purpusely pose all sexy and oopen her legs so i can see her pussy covered with a tiny thong

everytime we were at the house we would tease eachother soo much that we were all horny and when he would go to shower or pee or away for anything we literally would jump on each other and fuck or do anything we could

she clean houses for a living so we came up with this idea so we could actually fuck every now and then for hours at a time without been bother or caught , she cleaned this one house every 2 weeks and nobody was ever home, the owners were home maybe 3 months out of the whole year at the most so since her boyfriend " my best friend" knew she cleaned that house every other week i told her to just run it by him and lie saying they asked her to go every week, she did that and we would meet everyother friday at a starbucks and leave my car there and we would take her car to the house and just fuck and fuck for 3 hours evertime, fuck everywhere anywhere anyway we wanted and just fuck and fuck and fuck till we couldn't anymore

one time her lil sister came to visit and while her lil sis was sitting on the couch faceing the tv i was behind the couch sitting at the dinning room table i happened to put the lil cat cage behind the couch so while her lil sister is wtaching tv am RIGHT THERE behind her lil sis siting on a chair, my hand and elbow are right behind her head on the armrest , she comes and pretends to be petting the lil dogs but i pull my dick by the side shorts and starts sucking me me, omfg god here i am wathching a movie talking literally talking to her lil sis while she is sucking my dick, at one point her sister turns arround and i just push her head off my dick and she pretends to be pe petting the cat then goes back to sucking, after that a lil bit later i cum and she just keeps sucking and swallows it all and like nothing happened just goes and sit next to her lil sister.

another time, my friend was taking a shower so while hes in the bathroom" bathroom is down the hallway next to the masters bathroom, the doors are side by side like if ur facing the room door the bathroom door is on the left" anyway he in there taking a shower am all yelling while leaning on the master bedrooms door so am talking to him thru the door and looking inside the room and shes folding clothes on the bed and she starts to play with herself puts her hand in her pants and masturbates tuching her tits and am just watching, then she takes off the pants and spreads her legs on the bed and keeps playing , i can see how wet she is and shes calling me with her hand but shit hes right there and can come out anytime so am hard as fuck and am like fuck fuck fuck and i cant hold it anymore so i just pull my dick out pull her toward the edge of the bed and just tick it in as hard as i could, we both moan in pleasure and i just fuck her as hard as i could but when u are this horny and the risk of getting caught minutes seem hours and the pleasure is something i cant describe, in a matter of 2minutes maybe less we both came and i just put my whole load in her pussy, she took her fingers and put them in her pussy pulling out some of my load and lick it ans said , mmm i love the taste of ur cum an not even 20 sec latter he turn off the water and came out, but not before i could ask her to show e her tits to take a picture

thats the other thing, we loved to take pictures tho i never told her i seen the ones she had taking with him before , but we took hundreds of pictures and videos and thats another story, one day i told her go take some pictures of ur wet pussy so i can go do my self cus that day he was home and havent had a chance to fuck at all so i gave her my phone and she did but later on that day i forgot and left my phone on the counter and he picked it up and was about to look at it adn i was like dude no dont look at my pics, hes like why not!! got some pic of your girl naked or something!!! " adn in my head am thinking no dude but i do have pic of ur girl thats fosho! so i was like dude no but thats not cool, he said allright whatever and handed me the phone lol i almost shit myself lol

but the time we both came without fucking, i literally came in my pants without touching my dick at all, we we were watching a movie the 3 of us, we started sitting in the same couch it was her him and me so we couldnt really do anything cus he was in the middle, i just kept giving him drinks and drinks so he would have to go piss so i had a chance to at least eat her pussy out for a couple of seconds and maybe even fuck her for 2 seconds, he finally did and omg he wasnt even in the bathhroom and i just jump over and started kissing, pull her pants and under wear and put my dick in her stroke it a few times and went down to eat some of her pussy, her pussy was always wet and her pussy lips are big and soo fucking tasty. then we hear the door so we settle down, but by this time he comes by and sits on the floor exacly in the middle of us but on the floor. so she lays on the couch sideways and her as is right there and am on the other side so u put my feet up and start touching rubbing her pussy with my foot , a lil after i was ike fuck it so i grabed my friend and start massaging his neck with my left hand " i know kinda gay but whatever" and am like dude u are tense lol minwhile with my right hand i start touching her legs working my way to her pussy and am just rubbing it over her pants " she was wearing some like sweatpants but made from the same material of yoga pants so it was very easy to move them around, so i just pull them down tilli could see her asshole and put my hand in there and plaid with her pussy and omg she was drriping and i mean soaking wet i kept liking my finger and tasting her juices ans she was just loving it "now remember!! am gayly massaging my friend while am doing this and he has no clue"

while am doing all the i just fell my dick like is gonna burst with cum like it is right now just by remembering it. we never had anal sex i never tough she like to but that night she was so wet and i put my hand in her pants at one point i took my finger and by mistake put it in her asshole about an inch and she jump a lil, i looked at her and she starter biting her lip so am like omg game on, i look and i could see her pussy just dripping and her asshole all shine from her own juices so i took my finger and started playing with the lil ring arround her asshole, at this point her face is fill with pleasure and she closes her eyes so i tap her and am like wtf dont do that cuz hes gonna know, she look's at me i i read her lips going OMG AM GONNA CUMM, so i just stick my whole finger in her ass and 2 in her pussy and idk there is nothing more erotic nothing compares to this, i just keep on kingering both holes with one hand and gayly massaging my friends neck with the other hand, at one point i had 2 finger in her asshole even 3 and she was just about to collapse or something, her pussy was like niagara falls and i took my fingers out of her pussy and ass and leak the one by one as she looked, i keep on fingering her and i swear i just felt my dick bursting with cum while feeling her asshole and pussy as they contracted on the inside as she was cumming then i back away and sat back like nothing had happend, i put my hand in my pants and pull my fore skin all the way so most of the cum would stay in arround my head, and like 10 minutes later my friend went to the bathroom and omg thank god he did cuz she just jump on me and suck my dick dry and just swallow it all, she clean my dick completely and i jus yanked her pants down and eat her pussy and even her asshole witch they were still all wet, and with my finger i pulled the her juices out of her pussy as much as i could, we finish the movie and went to bed.

there aro soo many other encounters but that tv was the last one, all i can say is we got sooo horny that one day it all wnt to shit and i dont have a dest friend anymore and when i see the pictures i wanna go fuck her one more time
ive been texting her but she wont answer so i dont know, you guys tell me would it be too much to go to the house and wait for her to come clean the house and try to get her to fuck or call her and be like if u dont answeer am gonna post our naked picture on the internet and see if she wants to talk then .

some funny things were that she would make out with him seconds after ive cum in her mouth, i found a bunch of gay porn on his computer and he always made his wierd ass comments, apparently he would fuck her but was just boring for her and the one thing he complain about was that she never got wet , hens the lube in the room but with me, am telling u guys this girl was always dripping with her juices soaking her panties if any and more then 10 times i saw her dripping on the side of her legs

This is the first time I have ever mentioned this to anyone other than my cousin. When I was 9, my cousin and I found a porno tape of my grandpa's in the VCR as he forgot to take it out. We watched it and it was a threesome with 2 guys and a girl. It was the real annoying porn with the gay music and all haha. So we were watching it and I told him that I bet it feels amazing to have sex. My cousin was 11 and i was only 9 like I have mentioned. So I ask him if he has ever jerked off before. He admits he has, and I asked him if he could show me how to do it. He tells me to pull down my pants and underwear and he does the same.
After our pants were down, we started to look at each other. He had started to hit puberty so he had some hair below the waist as I was only 9 and didn't. I asked him if mine will get bigger. He tells me yeah, it's called puberty.
I asked him after a few minutes of awkward staring if he would show me how to masturbate. He tells me watch him, and I watched as he stroked himself and I asked him if i could try it on him. So I started rubbing him and he was moaning, and as we watched the porno the girl was going down on a guy. I asked him if I could put my mouth on it, he told me not to because it's "gay." I ignored him and stuck it in my mouth and kept sucking it and sucking it. He moaned so loudly and I stopped and I was rock hard and he noticed me. I asked him since I did it to him if he would return the favor. He jumped right on me and I was screaming it felt so good. Granted I was only like 2" I was so hard and he loved it as well as I did.

After the little oral session, I told him to put it inside me as I have seen on pornos. He refuses but I begged him, so he did. About 5 minutes after he starts to give me anal (at a slow pace because it hurts) my mom walks in my grandmothers front door. At this point we are in the living room, right next to the front door under the covers because my grandparents are home in their room. My mom takes the blanket off of us. I am so scared and so is my cousin. Our eyes wide open, we immediately start apologizing, my cousin rips out of me. It hurt but i was scared and didn't want to scream or moan but it felt amazing. My mom is actually calm. ( I had heard rumors about her and her dad, but was just a rumor, and I had always hoped because I was into incest from like age 5 haha) She sits down in the chair next to the couch. And starts talking to us on incest, and sex. She asks us, "Do you guys know you just committed incest and it's actually illegal?" I responded, "yeah but i kind of like it. it's naughty or whatever it's called." My mom looks at me and smiles. She says "My father and mother have a secret with me. We used to actually have sex on a regular basis." I looked at her with a shocked look on my face.

I asked her, "How old were you?" She tells me, "I was actually only 5 when your grandmother touched me and licked me for the first time." I had always had a fascination for prepubescent stuff. I guess it was in my blood, because my mom was obviously turned on because I could see her nipples.
She tells me to come to her. So I get up and walk to her and she tells me to sit on her lap, and i do. She asks me if I would like to start our incest life together and my cousin asks if he can too. She says, "Of course, but you CANNOT tell anyone! It is highly illegal and I don't want it to just be sex, I want to make love to you boys." We accepted her offer and from there we started having our incest life.

About 2 years later, my mom and dad got divorced. He doesn't know that we still make love and that I am now living with her and we are in a serious relationship. My cousin occasionally comes over for some fun, but mainly around holidays as he is married. My mother and I are still in love. We are trying to have a kid, we are scared it might have birth defects but I am anxious to start really early with him or her.

and no i'm not gay at all. Just into gay incest.

hope you enjoyed my story of which is my life.

So I'm struggling internally. I recently went to my local sex shop and purchased a 7 inch dildo for anal masturbation. I'm a 19 year old straight male. I think. I bought it in cash, hid my car behind the store so no passerby would see it, then rushed home, lubed myself up and rode it in my bathroom for hours. It was one of the most amazing sexual experiences ever. I felt it so far up my ass I couldn't help but moan. I don't know what came over me but I threw all thoughts of females out of the window. I began to wish the dildo was real, I wanted a man to be fucking me, kissing me, holding me. I took it one step further. I threw my legs over my head and while putting the dildo 7 inches deep in my ass, I blew my GIGANTIC load in my mouth and all over my face. It was so liberating I felt amazing. However, I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, cum caked all over me, and thought "what have I done?" I showered, put the dildo in a brown bag, and threw it in a dumpster close to my house in shame. Am I gay? Or bi? Maybe I just like anal stimulation, because I love fucking my girlfriend's warm soaking pussy. I just don't know. Again, it's a struggle.

I'm a 22 year old male with a girlfriend, but I confess sometimes I have gay fantasies. I really want to give another 20 year old a blow job and have him cum on my face. I want to try anal too. I've masturbated with a carrot or cucumbers in my ass before and it feels soooo good! The only thing is though, right when I cum I instantly lose all these gay urges. I would love to try it right now because I'm horny, but I know if I do it I'll hate myself right after.

Warning: gay, crossdressing and trap stuff in this post.

I confess that i am kind of addicted to womens underwear, i had gay experiences and here are some of my adventures.

First of all a bit about this panty and crossdressing fetish:

It started a few years ago, my brother had a kind of hot girlfriend, maybe 7/10. I found hear panties and strings in the laundry and the smell turned me on. i used to masturbate to or into them.
I befriended her family and her twin sisters in my age. We used to go to the same school and everytime i was at their place, i used to go trough the laundry on the bathroom and smell their panties. i found it to be super hot especially when they started wearing thongs.
I used to be in a relationship with both, but it wasn't for a long duration. I had the opportunity to see and touch their pussys multiple times but it never went further. I still ask my self why i didn't pushed things but i guess i was just too embarrased by the situations. To this day, about 4 years later, i still smell their panties if i am over at their place.

In those 4 Years my father found a new girlfriend and she moved to our place together with her daughter, same age as me. She wasn't good looking maybe 5/10 but her body was nice.
A few months later i started hooking up with her, but she was very childish and i got basically cockblocked by her embarrasment. she even thought that masturbation would be gross. She teased me many times with stuff like humping me a bit or pushing my face between her legs, but everytime i wanted to go further she went back and told me to stop. i knew it made her wet because once she went into the shower after teasing me again and i smelled her panties afterwards and they were wet.

This was around 2 years ago. Today she had a bunch of boyfriends for short durations and noticeable many female friends over. One of them lived at our place for about 2 weeks and it was like wet panty heaven for my panty fetish. anyway i looked trough her room and found condoms, lube and dildos under her bed. One of the dildos was a double ended one. the look and imagination of her having sex with her female friends gave me and instant boner.
I found her lingerie stash, everything in a big box. I went trough it and got turned on to the max. i just had to try them on so i wore a pair of stockings with a string and a corset like top. i had the feeling to have the largest boner in my life so far and i went further, i kept wearing the stuff, got into my shoes and jacked and went out with our dog for a walk. (Little note: my parents are on vacation for a few weeks and i stayed home alone) It was already dark and i live in a rather quiet place. At this time almost no one is on the streets. My dick was building a little tent under my jacket the whole time and i had to dodge two people but i came back home without beeing seen. (atleast i hope so) I sat down in the lingerie and started fapping. It was an impressing orgasm but not the best i had so far.

Now to the gay stuff:

I have a friend that i know since preschool. he was my best friend for a long time and after puberty we started to do some "experiments". We basically had anal sex everyday after or even while we are in school. It was almost always me fucking him because i hated the feeling of it. I started trying that stuff with dildos i found, mentioned above.
I slept over at his place or he was at my place and we would always watch porn or do some roleplay. sometiems one of us even prentended to be a girl. Our last session was around 1 month ago. he was home alone and we had some fun with his sexdolls, but we ran out of lube so the sex was literally a pain in the ass. we stopped it and continued sucking each other off instead. I like giving blowjobs but i hate cum.
We even played a few games like hide & seek and the one who gets found within 2min must strip one piece of clothing off.
We explored the room of his milf (maybe in the late 30's. pretty nice body, blonde etc) and found some anal beads, handcuffs and a strapon. That thing was huge, he tried fitting it but it was too big.
At the end he fucked me with the help of the rest lube and spit and he came in me. Since he always looses his mood in and instant, i had to fap with his pockedpussy.

A few days later he was over at my place and we basically did the same stuff expect that i sucked him off and he came in my mouth. i went to work later, still with the feeling of his dick in my butt.

Then there is this other guy who i know since highschool.
We used to be good friends and we did normal stuff except that we fapped together to porn sometimes.
We once had this girl who was showing off on the cam and we sent her some dickpics of us. she continued to fap to them and my friend said what i would give him if he would suck my dick. i said idk and he started to open my pants and suck my dick.
I knew where this was going to i started to give him a handjob while hes doing it and damn is cock was like triple the size of mine, even though he was only a year older.
He seemed to like sucking it because he did it alot in the next months, maybe even a year. i dont remember. then there was this one night. i was sleeping over at his place and he was home alone. he played some games and then he went out of the room and came back wearing stockings and other lingerie and even a latex corset from his mothers friend. she was living at their place for a bit because her husband kicked her out.
We did some roleplay and i proceeded to suck and fuck him. after i came gloryously in his ass, i continued to suck him off, because he didn't liked the feeling of fucking me. It was the first time someone came in my mouth and it wasn't that bad as i expected it to be. The warm and salty taste still surprised me a bit so i spit it out and made him laugh.
After that we didn't really do anything anymore because i had a girlfriend then (mentioned above, the 5/10) and later he got one himself.

So this is basically a confession about my dirty adventures i had so far. I felt like i should share it with someone.