When I was 19 years old and in college in Florida, I got really heavy into drugs. Mainly party drugs like coke and ecstasy, and of course plenty of weed, but on occasion other drugs as well. I was out of control and living one big party life on my parent's dime while they struggled mightily to pay for me to have the opportunity they never had and go to college. Looking back I feel like a total asshole about it now as they wanted nothing more than for me to be successful and not have to struggle...sorry, I digressed.

Anyway, since I had no money and wanted to keep up my partying lifestyle and since I was always very athletic, in shape and considered "good-looking", through one of the people I met in the party scene I ended up doing some modeling to make some extra money. Pretty low rent stuff, nothing glamorous, but a couple hundred bucks a week.

This quickly evolved into the opportunity to do some "videos". It started with just masturbation videos of me lying in bed, or on a couch or in the shower jerking off. I figured I was going to do it anyway so why not get paid for it and I was getting paid $100-200 per day that I did a shoot. I could sometimes do 3 or 4 scenes in a day. The guy running the operation said he was impressed by my "re-load" ability and also that I had just the right cock for it...I'm about 8 inches, decently thick and my dick looks perfectly formed from shaft to head and can blow pretty big loads even after only a little break in between. I knew that these were primarily for gay guys to watch but I didn't care. If someone gets off from seeing me, so fucking what. I did these for a while and then he asked one day if I'd want to do some full sex movies and photo shoots and showed me some of his portfolio and all things considered the chicks looked pretty hot and we were now talking more like $300-500 per day so I jumped right at the chance.

It was a crazy scene and pretty much everything you wanted was at your fingertips. Women and drugs galore. Parties every night after shooting. We were all in the 18-22 age bracket so it was just a no responsibility show. But as quickly as I made money it went back out the door on drugs and partying. Then one night when we were partying at the main house this director used for shooting videos, him and a couple of the other "big wigs" in their operation asked me if I would be willing to do some more hardcore shit. At first I was thinking they meant bondage, s&m type stuff, but they quickly made it clear they were talking gay action. I immediately said not a chance, I was straight and no way I could do it. They pushed the matter (and a coffee table with a big pile of blow on it) and said that all the actors in their gay shoots are straight guys because that is the look they wanted in their videos, strong masculine men, not femboys. The guys just do "gay for pay" and they also said I could make up to a $1000 per shoot depending on the circumstances. At that point my eyes lit up and I think they knew they had me. I asked them more questions and they said I could be strictly a top and receive blow jobs, that I didn't have to get fucked or suck or kiss anyone if I didn't want to. I could also do bi scenes where a female actress or two would be involved. I said, what the fuck, let's give it a try.

The next week they had scheduled me in for my first scene. I was shaking like a leaf prior to which was totally not like me. In the other stuff I had already done I was totally calm and had no issues getting naked, getting hard and fucking in front of other people. It was a one on one scene with me and another guy. I was going to be swimming naked in the pool and then get out and immediately go to the lounge chair next to the pool when the "pool guy" was going to show up to service the pool and eventually me who was masturbating while watching him clean the pool. I actually was having a difficult time getting hard which was totally not the norm for me, but he came over and began blowing me for a while and soon enough I did get fully hard. I had sunglasses on and just kept my eyes closed and picturing hot women. I put on a condom and ended up fucking him in a few different positions and then to my surprise he end up blowing his load on my chest as he was riding me, then slid off my cock, dropped back down and sucked me to completion taking my load all over his face.

I said afterward that it wasn't that bad, but I didn't think I wanted to do it again...until I got my next offer and more cash. It went on like this for a while and me just doing the fucking and getting sucked. I still was primarily doing straight shoots though. Then the director came to me with a proposal for a scene. It would be me and this girl I had done some straight scenes with and we would be a "married" couple and then another guy who was coming to our house to do some repairs. But he wanted it to be a scene where me and her completely serviced this guy. We all were going to suck and fuck each other, no holds barred type stuff. I was extremely hesitant but he offered up my biggest payday yet and it was a good chunk of money for 4-5 hours of total "work". I was so far gone into the scene at that time that I agreed and said let's do this.

The day came and again I was nervous. I did all my usual prep on my "manscaping" and where I normally do everything I can to keep myself fresh down below, this time I added the step of the diet one of the other male actors recommended and his full enema routine to completely clean me out. The worst thing on a porn set when anal is involved is having a shit accident. It came time for the scene and we were in the bedroom on a king size bed where I was fucking the girl for a while then the "repair" man came in, he joined in with me "thinking" he was just going to play jointly with my wife but then he starts licking my balls and ass and pulling out my cock from the wife's pussy and sucking on it. We go through some more motions and she is sucking him then she tells me she wants to see me suck him and this is it, the moment I took a cock in my mouth. I did what I had to do and then after he fucks her it was my turn to take his cock. I was laying on my back as she sat on my face and then he started fucking my ass. Hurt like hell but I had to put up a good front. He even made a comment that got into the video about how tight my ass was. Anyway, we finished the scene after everyone had been fucked and sucked and I went out that night with some of the other people from set and we got destroyed on drugs and booze. I was fucked up beyond belief and when I got home that night I said that was it, I was done. Absolutely no more of all of it. The drugs the porn, nothing. The next day I called up the director and said to pull me from the stuff he had me scheduled for the next week. He tried to convince me and told me what a fucking amazing job I had done the day before, but I told him I had to get out. I couldn't handle the life and really was regretting all of it. I pulled the plug that day and never looked back.

So, somehow through all of this I didn't flunk out of school. I ended up completing my degree and living out a pretty mundane, boring college life and working a bullshit part-time job in one of the offices on campus answering phones and shit. Really nobody in my "normal" life had any clue about what I had done. My parents were none the wiser about anything I did partying or whatever and were proud as could be the day they saw me get my degree. I started a job with a top consulting firm and in the decade plus since, have worked hard and progressed so much in my career that I look at the "crazy" money I was making from porn and laugh at how little it is compared to now. I am engaged to a very attractive and smart girl who is an attorney and makes plenty of money herself, but also has no clue about my prior life.

I guess my biggest fear is that one day I am going to come on here and see one of my videos front and center. I know they are out there in various places on the web, but they obviously weren't under my real name and the look I had back then was very different than it is now where I am clean cut hair, have a beard, and even back then in a bunch of the scenes I had bleached blonde hair for a while and a deep Floridian tan. I guess my real name and SSN is on file with the porn company somewhere so that could somehow get out, but generally speaking I got away free and clear without any repercussions. Crazy the journey our lives take.

truckstop2...continuation

I stumbled down that dirt road on wobbly legs feeling exhausted. I almost fell a couple of times and when I squatted to pee. I went directly to my car and drove home. When I arrived home, I fell into bed and slept until mid afternoon. The first thing I thought of when I woke-up was that I missed work. It was too late to call-in and it would be considered a "no-show". I was also aware of my ass burning from its whipping, and the pain in my boobs and pussy. I got up, took off my dress, and looked in the bathroom mirror. I saw welts everywhere, on my boobs, stomach, legs, and back. My ass was almost blistered; but, there was no blood. I turned on the water in the bathtub and took a long hot soaking bath with lots of suds. As I soaked, I remembered the whipping, and hanging upside down sucking their cocks. Their cum was running into my sinuses and burning; so, I had swallowed as much as I could. After my bath, I applied a generous amount of aloe to my welts and had lunch.

I had to ask my Saturday night date for a rain-check because I didn't want him to see the welts on my body. We had fucked on the last date and I knew he would be expecting it again. The welts faded away early in the following week. At night, I was having reoccurring dreams of being horse-whipped with the whip coiling around my body. Then the end of the whip turned into the head of a snake; and, I would wake up as it was about to sink its fangs into my boob. I tried to rationalize what had happened in that barn. Was I raped? No, I walked into the situation to get fucked, knowing that it could get rough. Was it frightening, yes; but it was also exciting. Would I do it again, that was the unanswered question.

On Tuesday, I received a "get well" card in the mail from a John Smith, who I didn't know. The card simply said to check my sent emails. When I did, I found an email sent to John Smith thanking him for the wonderful time. There were three attachments. The first was an image of my drivers license, the second was an image of me sucking someones cock, and the third was a clip of a woman being fucked on a bale of hay, clutching her partner and begging him to make her cum. That woman was me. I was shocked! They obviously knew my address and had pictures. I didn't know what to do. I checked the pics on my phone and found the same ones. The next day, after letting it all sink in, I added a password to access my cell phone. Then, I emailed John Smith asking what he wanted. He replied saying that he hoped that my bruises had healed satisfactorily. He continued that, with the wrong people, I could have been seriously injured. But,he said it was apparent that I enjoyed the evening, even if it wasn't what I expected. He went on describing pleasure and pain and how they were related. Then he said he would like to meet with me again Friday night. I realized how dangerous that night could have been. Also, I had learned the impact of pleasure and pain. I thought about it for a day; then emailed back that I would see him Friday night with the conditions that there would be nothing extreme or that left permanent marks. He directed me to meet him at a "park and ride" lot near me at 7:30pm. He said to wear the same dress with pink heels and no underwear.

When I arrived, I saw a black pickup truck waiting. I parked, clutched the mace in my purse, and walked over to it. He put the window down and I saw Mike alone. He said to get in, which I did. As we drove away, I was thinking that leaving my car behind made me feel helplessness but excited from not knowing what would happen next. He complimented me on my attractiveness and how sexy my body was. He said that he couldn't stop thinking about me. Then he asked me how I felt when he whipped me with his belt. I said that I was frightened and that it hurt, but not too badly. He said to pull up my dress and show him my bare cunt. I did. displaying my freshly shaved pussy. I use the words boob and pussy; he uses tit and cunt, which seems a bit crude. He asked how I felt hanging upside down sucking cock; I replied that I truly love sucking cock. Then he said that it was obvious that I enjoyed being fucked. He said that there were lots of things he wanted to do with me as long as I was willing. I repeated that I would try as long as he gave me no permanent marks or did anything extreme. When we arrived at his farm, he took me into his house and not the barn.

His house was an older type farm house with wood siding that looked freshly painted. There were area rugs over a hardwood floor; and, his furniture was upholstered and just a little dated. He said for me to sit on the couch and went into the kitchen to get two glasses and a bottle of red wine. He sat next to me on the couch and explained that our relationship was very personal and that, when there, he expected me to call him Sir, and be obedient to his commands. Then he asked me if I liked being naked, to which I said yes. His first command was to take-off my dress. I did, becoming naked except for my heels. Next, he told me to walk around the room and to jiggle my boobs. I did. Then he said to sit down next to him and he fondled and squeezed my boobs and pulled at my nipples. They always respond to treatment and he was pleased. Then he squeezed my nipple hard and twisted it. I gasped but didn't resist. He opened the drawer of the end table and took out a plastic 12" ruler. He bent it back and let it slap my boobs just under my nipples, on the sides, then on my nipples. My boobs turned pink and my nipples were hard. He stuck his finger in my pussy and pulled it out wet. He had me lick it clean. It wasn't the first time I had tasted myself and I do like the taste of cum. Then he attached a paper clamp firmly on about an inch of each nipple and areola and attached a chain to each one. He pulled on the chain. It was painful; but, my boobs are wired to my pussy and it began to itch. Then, he said to spread my legs and he slapped the inside of my thighs. Then he knelt between my legs and began softly biting and sucking my thighs and pussy lips, and licking my pussy, while tugging on the chain and pushing a finger in my ass. When I was almost ready to orgasm, he stopped and slapped my pussy hard, saying its not time yet. Then he took the clamps and chain off my boobs, licked them with his tongue, and sucked them softly. He led me to the bathroom and handed me a fleet enema and told me come out when I was finished. When I walked back into the living room, he was sitting on the couch with his pants off. He told me to kneel between his legs and suck his cock. I did. It was already hard and a bit thicker and longer than my exes. I licked his cock and hairy balls before I began to suck. He stopped me before he came, once again saying that it wasn't time yet. There was a dog collar laying on the coffee table with a gold metal label that said "Pet". He told me to fasten it around my neck.

Then he led me into the kitchen and down some steps into a pantry cellar which had shelves holding canned goods. He opened a steel door and led me down more steps to another room. He said it was built as a bomb shelter and was about 12 feet wide and maybe 15 feet long. The walls, floor and ceiling were concrete and painted a bright red. He told me that we were six feet underground and that, it was sound-proof. My skin felt goose bumpy because the temperature was about 60 degrees. There were large wood floor to ceiling posts down the middle of the room with metal ring at various heights, whips and floggers hanging on the walls, some cabinets, and a number of benches, tables, and a red padded cross. There were also some flood lights on tripods. He took me to a table and had me lie down and put my legs in stirrups like on a doctors examining table. Then he got a plug with a hairy red tail on it from one of the cabinets, put some lube on it, and slowly pushed it into my ass. It was about the same size as a cock and was only slightly painful. He licked my pussy some more until I was ready to cum; then he stopped. He led me to the cross and buckled my wrists and ankles to the ends with cuffs; and, attached clamps to my nipples. He got a flogger from the wall and started whipping me from my thighs to my boobs. The flogging was more feathery than painful, even when he lashed me hard. He explained that he had floggers that would hurt a lot more. I could see my skin getting pink and felt a warm sensation where he flogged me. He told me to use a scale from 1 to 5 to describe the level of pain, with 5 meaning too much. I said 1. Then he got a flood lamp and a camera. I told him I didn't want pictures taken; and, he said that he wouldn't show my face. Then he blindfolded me. The next thing I felt was a sharp sting on my left boob. Then on my right, then my thigh, stomach, and another on my boobs. Pause. Then a couple hard slaps on each boob that made them bounce. Even though it hurt, I was feeling aroused. I've always liked it when men felt and played with my boobs. Then he was wrapping something around the base of my boobs. Pause. I think he was taking pictures. Then, I felt some hard lashes (cane) on both boobs. He did 10 in total. The cane felt different, not like a sting, more like a slap. I liked it better. My boobs were radiating to my pussy and making it itch. Then he applied a vibe to my clit and I orgasm-ed hard. He unbuckled me from the cross and took me back to the table with stirrups, laid me down, and fucked my pussy until I had another orgasm. He moved to the head of the table and fucked my face until he coated my mouth and throat with his cum and told me to swallow every drop. I did. It was getting late by then and he took me back upstairs and gave me a strong drink of whisky before bed. As we drank, he asked me how I felt so far; and, I said I loved it. He said that tomorrow would be even better. Then took me to bed, applied an aloe cream to my "pretty titties" and fucked my pussy again, cumming inside me.

Saturday morning, I had hickeys on my inner thighs and my boobs. I made a big breakfast with bacon, eggs, toast and jam. Afterwards, Mike instructed me to take another enema after taking a shower. When I finished, I found him at his computer emailing pictures to someone. I think they were my pics. He smacked my ass a few times and pinched my boobs. Then he chastised me for forgetting to put my collar on. I went and did that. I was ordered to clean his bathroom and vacuum his living room floor. As I did that, he occasionally whipped my ass with a belt. He asked me what I wanted him to do to me; and, I responded "whatever pleases you Sir". I was starting to learn my role. He said to get my leash; and, he led me back down to the bomb shelter. He told me to get on the table; and, he inserted another butt plug, this one without a tail. Then he said to go to the cross and spread my arms and legs. He attached the cuffs to my wrists and ankles. They had a soft lining and were attached to the cross with clips that allowed a few inches of movement. He added a blindfold. The next thing I felt were tiny pin pricks that traveled up and down my arms and legs, across my tummy and around my boobs. It didn't really hurt but was tantalizing. I later found that it was a wheel with a handle. He pushed it hard a couple times and broke the skin on my boob and ass, leaving a little mark like a hypodermic needle. Then he taped a vibrating egg in my pussy and turned it on to a low setting. He turned me around on the cross so that I was facing the cross and had my back to him and attached clamps to my nipples. I heard some movement then felt that flogger from Friday night whipping my back, ass, and legs. It was just enough to give me a warm feeling. Pause. The I felt a different flogger that had some sting to it. He asked me how that felt and I said 2. He continued whipping my back side and instructed me to count 20 lashes, saying "thank you Sir" after each one. The lashes were maybe 30 seconds apart, which was enough time for the pain to diminish and for me to feel the egg again. I was definitely feeling warm after that. He turned the egg to a higher setting and I felt my juices beginning to run. The next flogger was heavier and landed with a thud instead of a sting. Each lash jolted me, and I said 3 when asked. He gave me another 20 lashes which required the same counting and "thank you Sir". The warm feeling changed to hot, I was panting, and my legs felt weak. It was becoming difficult to stand in high heels with my legs spread apart. The last flogger was a 4 and the egg caused me to cum after the seventh lash. It was a different feeling orgasm than I had experienced before and it felt awesome. The cum was running down my legs and dripping on the floor. He continued to 20. He told me that I was responding well and turning a nice red color; then asked me if I enjoyed my orgasm. I said "God yes" and Thank you Sir. When he removed my blindfold, I saw a flood light and a camera on a tripod that had recorded my whipping. I said nothing about it. He rubbed an aloe cream all over my back, ass, and thighs.

Mike left me alone for a few minutes and returned with a razor and shaving cream. He ordered me to shave his genitals; and, if I nicked him, I would be punished. He laid down on the table and put his legs in the stirrups. He was kind of hairy on his legs and stomach, which made his shaved crotch stand out; but, I did the best I could. There was hair on his cock and his sack and I nicked him a couple of times. He felt it immediately and said I would pay for that. When I finished and cleaned him with a washcloth, he got up and went upstairs. He returned with bottles of water and a cup of yogurt. He gave me a water, opened the yogurt, and stuck his cock in it. He ordered me to lick it off. I ate the yogurt eagerly just because I was hungry; but, his clean-shaved cock was a bonus. Afterwards, he took me back to the table, strapped me down and brought a fucking machine with a dildo that rotated and flexed sideways. He inserted it in my pussy and turned it on. It moved in and out and flexed so that it alternately contacted my g-spot and bumped my cervix. Then he left me for a couple of hours. The machine drove me crazy and I was moving my hips to get more of the dildo. I don't know how many times I orgasm-ed until I became dry and it became painful. Towards the end, Mike returned and I sensed another presence in the room. There were no voices; but, I felt a different hand on my boobs, squeezing and kneading. A different cock was on my lips and I eagerly took it in my mouth and sucked on it until it creamed in my mouth.

An hour later, Mike released me from the table and took me upstairs. It was 8pm, and we ate a pizza and drank some wine. He took me to bed and fucked my ass for the first time. It didn't hurt at all because I had had that plug in me all day. I fell asleep right away. Sunday morning, he took me back to my car and said he would call me during the week.

I am 35, and three years ago, I became a widow. If we put the emotional trauma to the side, it has been hard ever since, because, as a single mom, my life is all about work, and providing for my children.

Sex, I forgot about it for a long time, but our bodies want what they want, and, this need has lead me to places like this one.

I started using tinder, and it was awful. I mean, the attention I got at first, was flattering, and it did help my self esteem, but if I think it through, I have always been aware of my looks. But, tinder was no good, and eventually I dropped it.

Then, in a place similar to this one, I started connecting with a few guys. Nothing special, it was an elevated version of sexting, and that kept me satisfied for a while, but after some time, that too has became monotonous.

Why didnt I meet someone in person? I cant really explain it, I felt that physical contact was something bad and that by doing it, I would show that I forgot about what happened and, I know it sounds silly, but that it would make me a bad person.

After a while, I got back to tinder, determent to try my luck. Met with this man, a bit older than me, who told me straight up, that he is married, and only wants some side action. I wanted to get this over with, considering this meeting like a healing process that I must go through, so I have said yes to a date.

I was surprised how good looking he was, and I think he was surprised as well (we both didnt show our faces on the app).

At our first date, he was a gentleman, didnt rush anything, and we connected, and I even thought - what a shame that he is married. I felt great guilt after thinking these thoughts through.

Second was a dinner date, and he bought me even further, when he showed up dressed flawlessly. I was ready to spend a night with him.

Before our third date, he flat out told me he will rent a room for us, after dinner. And it was a good, one of the best hotels in our city, and when we went into the room, I was ready to go.

I am not that experienced in sex, because, before my marriage, I only had one bf, and that was back in hs, and I had no idea that sex can be that rough, and so much satisfying at the same time.

After we were done, he gave me 100 EUR (in here people make around 700 a month - I make more, but just to give you an idea). When I asked him what is it, he told me that it is for me to buy something for the kids.

It didnt feel good, but I took the money.

Next time, he asked me if he can film himself cumming on my tits. I said yes, but without my face, so he did. I got 200 that night.

Before our third meet up, he texted me that, if I do an enema before we meet, that he will triple "the present". I knew what it meant, even though I never had anal sex in my life. But I did it, and it wasnt that bad, and I got my 600.

In the end, he asked me, for our next date, to film me giving him a blow job, with my face visible, and that would be worth a 1000. When asked, who will he show it to, he just said that he wants his friends to see it, since they loved our little cumshot clip we did before.

That is where I drew the line, and I am not seeing him any more.

But if I am being honest with myself, it was extremely exciting, having sex for money, with someone with who I would do it, and wanted to do it, for free.

And in the end, one thing is certain - no more tinder and online meet ups, ever again, time to get back to the real world, even though this little adventure was fun and it made me feel alive, I realized, that it is not the way I would like to go through life.

I need, and I deserve something better.